Tuesday, April 7, 2009

My First Movie Review

Vantage Point
Wow, that blew!
I sit here now knowing that I have lost at least 20 IQ points, an hour and a half of my life, $3.50, (I paid for this ridiculous hunk of a movie, Video On Demand) acquired two deep new wrinkles in my forehead from the furrowed brow that never left my face in that hour and a half, wondering what schmuck paid to put out this steaming pile of K-R-A-P....yes krap, not even good enough to be called actual crap, (much like K-R-A-B...nuttin like the real thing baby).
I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to movies, (as my list of recommended movies can attest) I can watch any number of crap, (read crap not krap) movies and mindlessly find something slightly redeeming about them....uh, yea not so much with this gawd awful drivel. They sucked me in with the cast, dude, I hate it when I fall for that! Had I ever heard of this "movie" before...nope, but that cast, well it has to be good.....dammit!

Sigourney Weaver (news lady)
Forest Whitaker (sad separated Dad out seeing the world.....with his video camera)
William Hurt (President that clearly pissed someone off)
Dennis Quaid (secret service guy that took a bullet for the President...you know the one that pissed someone off. He is not over it, (all nervous and stuff) and he is on his first detail since he took the bullet...)
Bruce McGill (close adviser to President)
Edgar Ramirez, never heard of him but damn, smoking hot! (kind of bad guy but only because the really bad guys are holding his brother hostage)
Bunch of other people I have never heard of

Okay here is what happened, and you really have to follow the steaming pile because it replays the same scene, (12:00pm at big summit meeting thing) from like 5 vantage points...complete with silly rewinding after each one...uggg

Dennis Quaid guy is on his first detail back from being shot. President gets shot again and stuff starts blowing up. Forest Whitaker stands in the plaza filming everything and chasing down bad dudes with his camera going the whole time...oh and he befriends a little girl that spilled her ice cream on him. Dennis Quaid's partner goes to chase down the bad guy, you know to protect his twitchy buddy....turns out he too is a bad guy and in on the whole "hit". Guess what, the President that got shot...not the real guy, nope a double! Crafty no? Turns out the real President is safe and sound in a hotel room, or so they would have you believe....see remember the bad secret agent man knows all of this and there is a...sub plot, goody.

So the first shooting of the double was staged because all the bad guys knew the real President was tucked away. They were super techno advanced and all the shootings and blowing of things up were done by cell phone...with like remote control guns and junk so they could be in place to nab the real President. So all of these young techo-savvy, (and might I add not hard on the ol' eyes) bad guys are blowing stuff up, killing folks left and right, creating this giant ruse getting things into place...but they forgot one thing....that's right, twitchy Denis Quaid and mild mannered, camera yielding Forest Whitaker!

Denis Quaid gets involved in a car chase with the bad guys, (including his former partner) driving through cafes, on sidewalks, just missing giant trucks and what not....he is on their ass because he is the good guy trying to protect his boss! He gives chase and try as the young whippersnappers might they cant shake him. Meanwhile some other bad dudes, (the one in charge and a evil, but very sexy woman...(trite) woman) have taken the real President, knocked him out with some form of drug, (so they think) and are driving him in an ambulance to someplace nefarious I'm sure....guess what? Bad ass William Hurt, (aka President....the real one) was faking, he was not passed out and now as his captors ride through the mayhem driven streets he is taking apart the stretcher so he can clobber some bad guy ass! William Hurt is wicked hard, no way he is going out like that!

And lets not forget Forest, he's running and filming everything...that is when he sees the little ice cream girl, in the street about to be crushed by....wait for it....an ambulance. This is where it all comes, "together" or to a much needed end!

Bad guys, all dead. Forest saves the little girl and just then gets a call from his estranged wife, who is very worried about him by the way and he gets to talk to his kids...awww. (snarf). Denis Quaid rips open the upturned ambulance to rescue the slightly injured President who utters a painful, "Thank you" to which a now un-twitchy Quaid replies, "You're welcome sir"
The End

K R A P....feel stoopider for watching.

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