So I swear I am working on, (and by “working on” I mean all the details are swimming around in my melon, just waiting to be put on…well, not paper but screen) 2 wine posts, (visiting Frenchmen and a glorious white Burgundy evening recap) but I woke this morning, flipped on the news and this thing was in my face….again. It came up 3 times yesterday and BLAMO all over the news again first thing this morning….and just want to say, (it would be Stop It but since that was my last post) I Don’t Care, not only that, I am so pissed off at the morality police that seem to be foaming at the mouth about this stuff, this stuff that in none of their business.
The issue at hand? Affairs. Before I go any further, let me just put on the table the way I feel about this personally. First of all it’s not something I spend much if any time thinking about, I love my husband and am very confident that he loves me…kinda all I really care about, I just cannot imagine weaving a thought process about something that may or may not happen about something or an event that I had nothing to do with. I don’t think people cheat because of their spouse, they cheat or they don’t, and spending a lot of time trying to figure out “why” is a giant waste of time, not to mention if you believe everything is about you…that might be the bigger problem.
Now in my relationship it is wildly believed, (and yes we have talked about this with others) that if one of us were to “step out” it would probably be me, not sure why that is other than I am out more and tend to make friends with men pretty easily. The truth is I have no intention of running around on my husband, just not something that crosses my mind, maybe I’m just not that sexual a person, but should it happen I just can’t see why that would mean I love my husband any less and I feel the same way if it were Carl that “stepped out”. I just don’t see love and sex as the same thing, matter of fact there was more than once that I had sex with someone that I didn’t even like, let alone love, so the two don’t always go hand in hand in my mind.
Do I want to cheat or have my husband cheat…hell no, but I don’t think it is the absolute worst thing that can happen. Now some very close friends of ours are in the other camp, one night with another and it would over for them….I think the point I am trying to get at is, there is not and should not be only one way to see this whole cheating thing, so when you hear about an affair don’t go making assumptions about….you know what, howz about we stop hearing about them in the first place! I sure as shit don’t want the world’s prying eye in my bedroom and I have no interest in peering into yours.
So last night as I was checking in a customer that was attending our White Burgundy seminar I mentioned that it was probably going to be a short evening as I was hoping to get home in time to catch a bit of the Laker game. He then spurts out, “well I don’t like the Lakers” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “well, I do and I had to miss most of the last game, so I am really looking forward to it” he then goes on to tell me a few of the reasons he disliked my beloved team. I listened and tried not to let the comments get under my skin, that was until this little gem came flying out of his mouth, “Ultimately, I cannot forgive Kobe for cheating”…..blink….blink. “Wow, I had no idea you two were married” was my tight lipped response, followed quickly by, “You know I really don’t care about that” I swear you would think I just crapped on the floor by the look on his face. I was beyond baffled, how could this guy feel betrayed by someone that had made no commitment to him? I chalked it up to weird and tried to put it out of my mind.
I got home not in time to catch any of the Laker game, but in time to watch Bill Maher, (very good one by the way) and the topic of cheating was up again, this time it was John Edwards and how his fling may cost him his political career, and maybe his wife. Now losing his wife, that is between he and his wife but losing his career?! Over a brief fling?! We are going to toss away a smart, compassionate, articulate politician over something we had NO BUSINESS knowing or caring about in the first place…utter bullshit.
Then this morning it was Jon of Jon & Kate Plus Eight and speculations about an affair…I just about lost it! For a country that uses sex as its number one marketing tool, we are pretty tight assed when it comes to sexuality…and why is it that anyone gives a rat’s ass about other people’s marriage?! Don’t you have your own shit to deal with? No one knows what kind of relationship any of the afore mentioned people have, what they value and what is really important to them as a couple, but we label these guys as cheaters or bad husbands….well, if you are not married to them, then you don’t get to call them that, and more importantly, stop pointing cameras in these women’s faces, forcing them to be defensive about something that they may have known about and chosen to ignore or not make a big deal about! How about a little, don’t ask don’t tell about other people’s relationships?!
I went into work in a freaking tizzy and was ranting to anyone that would listen, arguing my point and challenging people on every comment they made about infidelity, other than that between themselves and their partners. One staff member told me a story about a friend that had cheated, and how angry they were at this friend when it came out, but this friend was very remorseful and over time my coworker was able to forgive them…but said, “If he hadn’t have been so torn up about it I don’t know if I could have forgiven him”, my coworker then went on to tell me that this poor sap was in a horrible marriage and ended up getting a divorce anyway….um, the moral of that story was? Maybe minding your business and not passing moral judgment on your “friends” is how to NOT waste your time and unwarranted emotion? I just kept thinking, “Would you be as pissed off if this friend cheated on his taxes? Because you know, that does really affect YOU”…argh!
I am just so tired of all this; who we should marry, how we should be married…for a country with an alarming divorce rate we certainly have a lot of opinions…and you know what, we are beginning to look like assholes.