Oh Gawd Please Tell Me I Don't Sound Like That

“Yes, I was thinking about bringing a group to your store for a tasting, is there a back room or something where we could have something like that and could someone there lead the tasting?” the slightly fake, hoity sounding voice groaned on the other end of the phone. “Well we don’t really do private tastings here at the shop. We have a tasting room where we conduct tastings if that’s what you mean.” I replied. “So if I brought in a group they would have to just do the same tasting as everyone else…the one that you are already doing, really?” he snapped back. “Um yes” I said feeling my back get rigid. “Well is there some kind of deep discounting for large groups? See the thing is I write a blog, I’m a blog writer” flinching….I was flinching.



“So I write this blog” he continued leaving that little space before he began his next sentence, presumably for me to ask him what kind or the name….I didn’t. “My partner and I write it and our friends read it” um, no der….who else reads these stoopid things? “And we recommend things for our friends on our blog” for those of you not counting, that’s 4 times already, blog had been tossed out 4 times…we are not even 3 minutes in here, ugh. “They ask us for specific wines so I was wondering if you could get me a price on them” Okay, now we are dealing with something I can help with, “Sure which wines.” I asked….should have known, “Rombauer Chardonnay and Kendall Jackson Private Reserve Chardonnay” he lobbed, I craned my neck to see who might be screwing with me, I was alone so I knew this was for real….awesome.

I put Mr. Fancy Pants Blogger on hold and checked the vintage and price of the Rombauer Chardonnay least I only had to check one as we do not carry KJ anything. “It’s the 2008 vintage and it is $31.99” I relayed in my most forced, sunshine voice…helps if you picture a scrunched forehead and a wrinkly nose. “And there is still no discounting if I mention your store on my blog?” he asked again, (as if somehow I had come to my senses in the 40 seconds it took me to look the wine up) this time sounding even more snooty than before….maybe it was just the crunders creeping up my ass that made him sound that way. Don’t know, don’t care his voice and tone were nails on a chalkboard, I swear I could see his nose lifting, pursed little lips and head inflating with each, “blog” that dropped out of his mouth.



“Okay well” now there was a long pause here, I’m assuming to let me know is displeasure with my lack of bending over backwards to kiss his blogging ass. He even let out a few little, “Don’t you know who I am” snickers, took all the strength I had to not to laugh at him. “There is another wine they are looking for” let me repeat that for those still not fully awake, “There is another wine they are looking for”. “They are looking to buy First Growth Bordeaux” he said it as if it were the name of a wine…. ”Um, which one?” I pressed…. another long pause, “What have you got? These guys buy cases of this stuff”…um, stuff? Really?! “And they are not loyal to any one store; they just want the best price. If I put this information on my….blog, I want it to be useful for them” he snarled. Well shit howdy, why didn’t you say so?! What wine store doesn’t want another non-loyal cherry picking customer? By all means send them our way!!

I so coped out, “Our Bordeaux buyer if off until Thursday but I can have him return your call and you can discuss First Growth Bordeaux with him” this time sounding genuinely cheerful, I was unloading this jerkwad on someone else…hooray! Freaking bloggers man.



I am asking any and all of you that read this nonsense that I write, if I ever….I mean EVER, sound like that dude, promise me you will take me outside and pummel me about the head and shoulders. Hi my name is Samantha and I am a blogger….sigh.