“Randy look at all these page hits” I beamed one afternoon while checking my stat thingie for this blog from work. I was trying to show Randy that blogs are in fact valuable and having a voice, a strong voice among all the other chatter out there is important and may in fact bring us more customers…he was/is resisting, but that Julie and Julia movie seems to have softened him on the idea a bit. “Ah that’s because you’re a girl, men are always sniffing around women online” he scoffed. Um, ouch.
I was talking to a very dear friend yesterday and the same form of dismissive comment came up twice in the conversation. “Someone in Manhattan Beach has been reading for like 3 hours, going from post to post…like reading everything I’ve written in one sitting. Kinda makes me feel nervous or exposed.” I said, “He must have been looking at your picture and wanted to spend a few hours with you” my friend jokingly responded. Not really that funny by the way, and there is no reason to assume that the reader was a man. Then I moved on to talking about being blogrolled over at The New York Times, “I have no idea how I ended up there” I remarked only to hear once again, “He must have seen your picture”….ouch again.
Nothing, nothing about the work I put into this thing, nothing like, “well you’re fun to read” or “you have an interesting viewpoint” not even a, “your pictures are funny” just some dudes might think I’m cute or whatever…that sucks. I’ve never been comfortable with my looks, don’t know that anyone really is but it is a very real issue for me, (and before anyone thinks this is the time to lavish me with compliments…don’t. A) I’m not fishing, rather not hear it. B) Finish reading the post) it was a battle for me when I was younger but now, now I just hope that people find me compelling for much better reasons. Pretty, handsome, cute are all luck of the draw or genetics, these things aren’t earned they are given therefore they impress me very little. Now sexy, I think sexy can be earned so when/if someone finds me sexy at least then I feel that I had a part in causing the attraction, therefore it is a bigger compliment but…well, let’s just say that too can inspire some rather odd behavior, I fear my email a little more now.
So when I sat down in front of my laptop this morning thinking that I should post something I started wondering, does it even matter? If I removed my stupid picture would people stop reading? Have I been wasting my time, energy and whatever blip of talent I might have on a bunch of “sniffers”? Pretty shitty feeling I really must say, I was deflated, uninspired and seriously considered hanging it up, just letting it go by way of most other wine blogs…unread, unattended and unappreciated.
I went back through some of my older posts, sure there is some flirty stuff in the comments, that stuff is fun but most of what people commented on was the content, made my little head cock like a dog when they hear something in the distance. Sure most of the comments are from men but aren’t they on ALL wine blogs? The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got…why was my work, my effort, my voice and my time being excused or diminished…waved off as, “It’s because you’re a girl”?! Yes, I have a vagina but I also have opinions, a voice…one that is gonna get a lot louder if I keep being dismissed. I have feelings, facts and stories to tell about wine and the wine business, just like the rest of the bloggers out there.
My blog is no different than any other, mostly read and commented on by men but I do have some female posters and I am sure there are more women reading that just don’t post, (and C’mon ladies help a sister out here) either because they don’t feel the need to have their voice heard or out of fear of jumping into the testosterone infested waters, and now I can’t say as I blame them…..
I write because I have something to say, not to impress sniffing boys or have people think……or tell me they think I’m cute, and to assume or infer that my readership is driven by any other reason than my voice….. is fucking insulting and down-right discriminatory. Guess inspiration comes in many forms, even in the unintended, but still insulting comment. So I’ll keep writing, (always in my bra and panties of course. Oh C’mon you know I had to) until I can find nothing else to say, and hope that someone of either gender will find something compelling in it. Um, yeah…end of rant.