This past week has been a trying one, I had newsletter deadline and as always I found myself wondering what to write about, you know…that I hadn’t already done recently, and true to form I was struggling with a bit of writers block. So hard to write with two hats on, here I get to just be me, share my silly bullshit, oh and curse of course, without any real pressure to sell anything. If people read something here that inspires wine sales at The Wine Country then that’s awesome, but sales are not the goal of this blog, actually have no idea what the goal of this thing is. For the newsletter I need to be tighter, more focused and we need to sell wine from that….pressure.
I end up finding myself feeling guilty about not giving those people that have been so gracious as to compliment me on my style of writing, that mouthy kind of thing they had come to enjoy. But there is really no place for jokes and all my babble in the most expensive advertising tool we have, that and not everyone gives a shit anyway. Some folks, probably most of them, just read to read about wine, hell half of them think Randy writes the whole thing as it is…..um, yeah that’s another killer of inspiration right there by the way, which is why I am so grateful for this blog and having an outlet for my rants and random crap. Here I get to just love wine, gush over the ones that rock me and well, just be me and not have to think, “Is this going to sell?” But during deadline week I feel guilty writing here, there are other things I should be writing and it also blurs that, “blog voice” and “work voice” even more….double pressure, Randy waiting and blog readers waiting….ACK!
So all of that has been weighing heavy on me this last week, I’m not a trained writer, I can’t just sit down and write, I lack discipline….shit in every aspect of my life, but seems really bad with the writing. I will sit for hours in front of the laptop and nothing will come, it sucks…big time. So the other issue there is that I have been blessed with a very rich social life, we are invited out all the time, I have 2 standing dates a week, (Monday is with the neighbors and Thursday is Date Night with Amy) but are out more like 4 or 5 nights a week. We have begun a very cool friendship with my cutie pie neighbors parents, so we are all either hanging outside with the kids or hanging at my pad, and that is pretty much 6 times a week. During the height of, “fuck I need to finish” nightmare I even had to tell my little buddy that I could not play with him and he could not come to my house, man did that suck.
I was getting more and more down on myself, being a whiny bitch for sure, when 3 things smacked me right in my overinflated head. A new friend, (but one I have come to care about quite a bit) shared some very painful news with me, Amy had a real meltdown about moving and I read The HoseMaster of Wine and his tribute to September 11th, (so moving) and it all reminded me how very fragile we all are, how quickly it can all change, that’ll flip the, “Quit yer bitching” switch pretty damn quick.
I found a balance for the newsletter, used some of what I had written here, (to those of you that read both…sorry for the repeats) cleaned up of course, and got it in on time to Randy….for once. I vowed to pester my new friend that is dealing with some very serious shit, every chance I get and signed on to fly out to Texas with Amy when she goes. Things came together nicely and I was able to have Sunday off with no worries or stresses looming over me. The best part? The harsh but absolutely needed kick in the ass.
Okay Sam let me get this straight, you are stressed that people enjoy your writing, you have to write about wines that you adore, and you have too many friends that want to spend time with you, is that about right?! What an asshole. I get to do what I love, taste things that most only read about, I live….loudly in my life, have the coolest albeit craziest friends on the planet, am madly in love with some of the most amazing men…ever, and some of them even love me back. Oh and let’s not forget I live across the way from one of the most adorable kids ever created, he shares his toys and we hunt crickets with the flashlight. I am beyond lucky.
I woke Sunday morning stress free, no hang-ups, nothing to do but let myself feel loved, let those I love know it and get my wild child on over at The Vortex. I won $75.00 on football pool, probably could have done without the “pool master” cramming it in my bra but whatever, he was feeling is happy place too right? I drank way too many Bloody Mary’s, ate too much, hung with my girls and had a much needed…..
Today I feel more like me than I have in a week, the hangover that came with it….consistent.