Longtime readers of this blog know a little secret about me, a secret that could forever ruin my, “bad ass chick” status…up to this point my readers have had my back, they have mummed the word, as it were, and for that I am greatly appreciative. So it is to you my dear readers that I come to confess the latest installment of, “Oh My God” and being reduced to a pile of goo.
For the newer readers I will recap…briefly. I am not a kid person, never have been, I have one of my own, he is turning 20 in a month, and I found him quite tolerable, enjoyable even, (who am I kidding, he is my favorite thing ever...but the older he gets the more I love him so) but even the whole having one of my own thing, never quite warmed me to the whole kid business. I think babies are pretty much yucky, and as I have said before….texturally unsound, and being that I have nothing in common with the 2 year to 15 year set…I am pretty much immune to their, “charms”. Might make me sound harsh, but it is a fact and one that I have been comfortable with…until about a year ago. So I have a neighbor, a short, toe-headed, big blue eyed neighbor that has the most incredible disposition, and a voice that comes from waaayyyy down deep in his tummy, carries across the little patch of lawn that separates our two apartments, and lands upon my heart in the most insanely, melting way. The little chump has me squarely wrapped around his tiny, pudgy finger…sigh, so not good for my rep.
It started harmlessly enough, watching him teeter around learning to walk, playing with bubbles on his front stoop, he was quiet, well behaved and that was the beginning of my, “well, he’s alright I guess”…then he started talking….a lot, and that began the conversations between our screens. “Hi-lo Sham, (that’s me) where Call-o, (my husband Carl) is?” it just freaking went downhill from there. We, “talk” all the time now and I am truly content to just watch him at play, I’m all in and think he is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen….when he made me “cuck-cakes” for “balentimes” I gave up the ghost, I’m so his sucker now. So Friday night, (my birthday evening) I stumbled my seriously saturated ass, up to my screen to find a puffy mailing envelope stuck to it, I made my way inside, removed my shoes, washed my face and collapsed on the couch…only then did I read the envelope; To Sam Sam Sam (what the wee one sings all the time now…dude) From Tyler I tore into that thing like a kid on Christmas morning, and there, neatly folded inside was a handmade card, in crayon…with heart stickers….dude. I opened the card to find more stickers, an original work of art and a picture of my wee buddy, in sunglasses no less, looking a little like Chicken Little…. “Damn you tiny person…damn you” I almost cried
So as if that were not quite enough, the next morning his door opens, he steps out…in jammies, and Spiderman slippers and accompanied by his Dad, comes up to my screen. “Sorry to bother you Sam but Tyler has been asking us, all morning, if you got your card. “Sam get it?” “Sam get her gif yet” so I thought we would come and make sure that you did” I leaned down, also in my jammies and told him, “Yes I got your card, it was the best gift I got all day” he lit up, eyes got even wider and a smile spread across his pudgy little face, “Tank you. Tank you Sam, Sam Sam and hab a happy berfday” and he shuffled, in his Spiderman slippers back to his apartment. Damn You Cutest Thing Ever Once again reduced to a pile of goo…..sigh.