So I am readying myself to stand in front of a group of, (hard swallow) 25 people and co-host an Introduction to French Wine class. I am always a complete basket case before one of these events…nervous, tummy all flippy and just a general sense of doom. I can bear my soul, my heart, shit even parts of my body here but make me stand in front of a group and my mind is squishy and I am unsure if I am going to like hurl or pee myself. Really fantastic feeling I assure you.
Things have gotten better since Randy started helping me lead the classes; I feel at home when he is near me and I think there is a rather fun vibe between the two of us. Our banter flows naturally; we disagree on certain things and wholly agree on others. This helps, it really does but the whole standing in front of people thing, well I am just never going to get used to that.
So I am standing out back, having a cigarette before I face my firing squad and I feel something poking the inner part of my upper right arm. I ignore it at first, just too wrapped up to think much about it but the prodding continues and so I begin to investigate. Now I am not a picker by nature, I keep my fingers out of my nose and my jeans are always so damn big that my undies are never wedged where they ought not be, but I do have one picker issue…my goddamn bra!
I am top heavy, always busting out and I know I should be sized for a bigger bra but there is just a certain line that I so do not want to cross…anything beyond the first four letters of the alphabet and I am terribly uncomfortable. So I am standing out back with this obnoxious poking bugging the holy crap out of me so I start to investigate. Slipping my hand inside my shirt, pushing my breast around…my head craned and buried in my shirt. So it turns out the right side of my bra, (of course the one that holds the bigger of my two big breasts…ugh) has pretty much succumb. Just quit and crunched down upon itself…fantastic. So while I futz with myself trying my best to rebuild or bendy my bra to at least get me though I see a face. A face in the car right next to where I was standing….the car I assumed was empty.
Awkward moment of me trying to smooth out my shirt and pretend nothing happened before flicking my cigarette and going back inside….even bigger awkward moment when that face walks in the front door to check in for my class. Oh goddamn it. Now not only do I have to stand in front of 25 people I need to stand in front of one that just watched me give myself what looked like a breast exam.