Maybe Don't Do That

(Phone rings)
Me—“Good afternoon The Wine Country”

Them—“ Um….yeah, I was, um..(chewing their lunch, smacking there was lip smacking and that gross saliva sound) can you tell me where I can find Capetta Stella Rosa, (a sweet, fizzy $10 red wine) near where I am?”

Me—Nothing, I said nothing as I was waiting for the rest of her lunch to go down so she could finish her sentence.

Them—More chewing and smacking

Me—Cringing and waiting….

Them—“Hello?”

Me—“Yes…?”

Them—“Can you tell me where I can find the Stella Rosa near me?”

Me—“Well, um, I don’t know where you are…”

Them—“Oh I live in the San Gabriel Valley and I don’t want to have to drive to your store, so can you tell me who has it in my area?”

I stood there, phone nestled between my chin and shoulder wearing my, “You’ve got to be shitting me” face. Not only was I treated to the melodic stylings of your nom-nom-nomming your lunch but now you want me, as a retailer, to tell you where you should take your business…what the hell?! I sucked in my breath, regained my customer service composure, (thank Gawd it was on the phone, I know the wtf was all over my mug) and explained that we were retailers so I would have no idea who might have her sweet, fizzy red wine in her area but there is always Wine Searcher. “Oh, oh…well can’t you, (nom-nom smack) just look it up in your computer and tell me?”…did she think we had like LoJack transmitters on Stella Rosa? “Yeah, there is really no way for me to figure out who might have it near you but Wine Searcher” I was cut off with a, “Well can you give me the phone number of the distributer?”…now I am all about customer service but c’mon, that is a lot to ask of a store that you are trying to not have to come to….right? I compromised, I gave her the name of the distributer and told her if she Googled it the number would come up. She thanked me and the call ended….um, just a little tip here, maybe don’t do that.

End little rant and public service announcement.