Sunday, July 19, 2009

Do We Really Need These? Slow Sunday At The Store Post

So it’s slow as hell at The Wine Country this Sunday, Janna and I are staring at each other, popping onto facebook, drinking……we ate tomato sandwiches, cheese and dill pickle flavored potato chips. We handled some serious shit but still there are 2 hours left in the work day, there are NO people here and Janna is now playing a video game where you can make the characters from South Park beat each other up….while the Eric Cartman Fire Fart is compelling it can only keep my interest for so long, so here I sit, glass of 2008 Muga Rioja Rose, ($12.99) in my hand, well hell, maybe I could write this up before I go on my little rant.

2008 Muga Rioja Rose, um let’s see….it’s imported by Henry Wine Group, it contains sulfites, 13% alcohol, and the government thinks there are all kinda things we ought not do while using this product….oh crap, do you think heavy machinery includes a scanner and cash register? Shit…I might be in some trouble here folks, well I’m not pregnant…you think this stuff will get me that way…dammit! I see this globe looking thing, kinda round and it has an arrow on it, sort of like a penis globe, so um….Muga thinks it’s a man’s world? This back label crap is confusing, so maybe I should just taste the wine huh?!

The nose, well the nose smells like Rose, watermelon, wet concrete maybe a bit of quince, on the palate the wine is round, silky and full of melon, more honeydew than watermelon, it’s clean, refreshing and utterly gulpable. Just as it should be, nothing more and nothing less, so lovely in it’s “it-ness” exactly what I love about Rose… Tempier, that’s a whole nuther thang.

So to keep myself from losing my freaking mind, cleaning the drain sink, watching Mr. Garrison kick some 4th grade South Park ass, or getting plastered I started making a list of shit I think we really don’t need…might have to throw the back label of that Muga Rose on the list!

Bondage Bears? How come?! Kind of skeeves me out

Dude, get a blow up doll and get over it. You have a small penis, we all know, you are not fooling anyone...sit next to the comb-over guy. Just for the record, as a girl, if you think you are impressing ANYONE with this rad ass might just be gay.

Just drink it already!

Might I interest you in a Hummer with spinners?

Stupid is as stupid does....she is that magical combination of both

Take a pill

There is nothing in here you need....nothing

He was cooler when he was a druggie but still a douchebag

Don't gotta say nuttin'

Just fuck already


Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Sam,

I never finished this post because I know my blog is in one of the photos near the bottom.

Other shit we don't need:

Edible tampons
Chocolate Port (just shoot me)
Edible Dick Cheney
Cigarette lighers shaped like a penis
Penises shaped like cigarette lighter.

I love you
Your HoseMaster

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
Nothing warms a hard thumping bloggers heart like reading, "I never finished this post"...but because you made a contribution to the list, I forgive you. Your list has one flaw, the golf thing.
First of all the hubby read it and said, you must never talk to him again, oh not for the I love you thing but because of the golf is his passion, he loves it keeps him tied up for hours (raised eyebrow)...

Ron Washam, HMW said...

Darling, Most Gorgeous Sam,

Reminds me of the Mormon who is bragging to a friend that he has seventeen wives.

"Wow," says his buddy, "one more and you've got a golf course!"

Call me next time he's tied up for hours... Think he'll mind if I play through?

I love you
Your HoseMaster

Carl said...

so I just bought some chocolate body paint. You comin' home now?


Samantha Dugan said...

Sure and um....when you golfing next? (Grin)

Carl said...

Whenever you need me to golf baby!!! I just got my new shaft and am eager to try it out!!!

Samantha Dugan said...

New shaft you say? Maybe I should come home!!