Thursday, February 17, 2011
So you know when your car is making some horrid sound? A crunching or squeaking so alarming that you are sure that if you don’t get it to the mechanic, like soon, the freaking engine is going to either fall out, freeze up or blow up? So sure in fact that you beg, plead, cry and offer sexual favors to get your mechanic to agree to squeeze you in only to have your fucking car sail into his bay quiet as a church mouse?
Your child has been coughing, wheezing and running a fever for three days and after you procure the much coveted appointment with the pediatrician, get the time off from work, toss a wad of cash at the sitter and the receptionist at the doctor’s office….the one that informs you that your new co-pay is now double what it was before….and the second you are in the waiting room your poor, sweet, sick wee one acts as if merely walking through the medicinally stanky doorway was akin to the laying of hands and is now not only the correct temperature, but is down-right perky and playful…little bastard.
The same bizarre Whoever’s Law happens when you attempt to show your husband how stuffed up your nose and unmovable your mucus is by pressing your thumb across your one working nostril and with all your might blow….as you have been doing all goddamn day, only to have a snot bubble the size of a basketball form…your eyes wide and blinking with shock as the human equivalent of Super Elastic Bubble Plastic shoots from your face. Fun for the whole family brought to you by SAM-O….
So yeah, the crud that tends to happen when locked in a metal tube of recycled air and beer farts has fallen upon me….have the dreaded traveler’s cold. Stinks…well not that I can smell it, so maybe blows…oh never mind. I would write you all a tasting note about NyQuil but there are only so many ways to say, “Tastes like ass” and while this Gin & Tonic I am using to fortify the sleep inducing properties of The Quil is very refreshing I just can't find the steam to pick apart which botanicals are singing just now.