Tuesday, May 4, 2010
What A Critic Is Saying
So I was working on a little post about balance this morning before work and something inspired me to check the email that is linked to this blog. Not sure what made me think of it, it’s not something that I do like hourly or anything but I had been receiving such nice emails there lately so maybe I was feeling needy or something. Popped over there and saw that I had one new unread email waiting for me, “Cool” I thought and opened it, so not the rush I was looking for but it did get my heart racing for sure.
The subject line was as they almost always are, “Your blog” nothing to fear from that, it’s the “See what you inspired” ones that tend to make me hesitate before opening, ewe dude. Anyway I opened the email to find a long letter, a long rather hateful letter. My second bit of hate mail. At first I will admit that I was stinging a little, no one likes to read nasty things about themselves, but as I continued reading I found myself laughing….out loud. Not so much about what was being said, that part still pretty much sucked but it just struck me as so odd that someone, someone that seems to loathe everything about me and this blog would take the time to tell me so….for what?! What could one possibly hope to accomplish by sending a letter full of bile and personal attacks? What, you think I will reformat, conform or scrap the whole thing because some nasty twit doesn’t like me….yeah, wrong chick.
I finished the letter and jotted down some of my favorite parts before doing what I did with my last hate mail, deleted it. I just know myself too well and having that letter there to revisit over and over again would drive me to respond…just could not give such a person that much of my personal time. I sat there shutting down my computer before heading to work, my unfinished silly little piece about balance and this really mean guys words of hatred. I have been so very lucky in that I receive so much praise and adoration here, so many kind words and support that it is rather startling to be slapped in the face, or shocked out of my little bubble of safety…awoken to the fact that there are people that simply do not like me or the things I have to say. As much as it sucked the word, “balance” kept spinning around in my head so I figured what the hell, why not post a little something for those that only read me to get their undies in a twist, to scoff or to look for errors that will point out what an idiot I am or whatever. I don’t understand it but it’s like my friends that listen to Rush Limbaugh and start frothing at the mouth, I would turn it off, (lie I would never tune in in the first place) but whatever creams your twinke, I’m not here to judge.
So okay Robert No Last Name, lets address some of your issues.
“Your problems with the English language with regards to tense, sentence structure and grammar coupled with your incessant use of periods to create pauses make your writing unbelievably difficult to read. I thought the content was bad but the delivery is far worse. The fact that anyone including yourself would consider you a writer is laughable. Your writing is like a what-not-to-do for remedial English classes”
Yup dude, cannot argue with you there. I’ve said it more than I should have to as it is pretty clear, I am not an educated woman. I never claimed to be, in fact I think I have been pretty honest about my shortcomings in that arena. I hated school, probably because I was really bad at it so I never went. I am a drop out and that is bound to show. Never claimed anything more so I’m not sure why you are so pinched about it. Dude, I implore you….if it’s that painful for you to read please stop….save yourself.
“Your demonization of California wine only proves how much you don’t know about wine. Your post about sweetness in the wines you claim to hate only serves to prove what a hack you really are. The fact that you cannot tell the difference between actual residual sugar and perceived sweetness shows how flawed your palate is. I feel sorry for your customers”
I’m going to have to call bullshit on you here pal. I do not demonize wines from California, I may not feature them often or drink them regularly but I do not make it a practice to single out any region and smack talk on them. That is not what wine is about for me, I write about my affection for…not my distaste for. If you feel that I am picking on California then for that I have to say, “I’m sorry that you read that into what I wrote”. Look dude, there are hundreds of other bloggers writing about and singing the praises of California wines…go read them.
“The way you name drop is distasteful and I personally feel you are making it all up. Sure Eric Asimov reads you Samantha and I have the Pope on speed dial”
Okay I might have to cop to this. I might be a name dropper but I was not aware that I was doing it or that it made me look douchey. This might be the one positive thing I will take away from your crappy letter, I don’t want to be “That person”. I will not cop to lying though, I am not sure how often the people whose names I dropped read, but they have and have contacted me about it. Bragging, I may have been bragging and that IS distasteful and I do in fact feel a little like a creep for it.
“What I see when I read your overly sexually charged posts is a woman that can’t get anyone to sleep with her. I’ve seen your picture (if that is your picture) and I can see why. Maybe if you spent more time working on yourself and not pretending to be a writer someone might consider touching you and you could leave wine out of your pathetic lack of a sex life”
Ah yes, the cheap shot….a personal favorite. It’s rather amazing how you can see right through me Robert. My appearance means everything to me and my one and only desire and drive in life is to try and get people to bone me, what else is there? I mean seriously, why else would I get into a business full of buzzy men if it were not in the hopes that one of them may be drunk enough to fondle me. You’re good. This whole chunk of your letter had me in stitches. If I were to put a fake picture up you really think I would pick that one?! Retarded dude, that was simply retarded. Besides I am married so I have someone that is legally bound to me and is forced to undertake the revolting chore of dealing with my naughty bits so I’m set pal…not looking for more I assure you. I write…oh, should I make that, “Write” about wine the way I feel about it, (feelings are those things that some of us, you know the ones without frozen rods crammed up our pompous asses have that connect us to one another, places, smells and tastes) it inspires many feelings in me and yes….some of those happen to be sensual. If this bothers you or in some way wounds your fragile nature I implore you…STOP READING. Go back to Dr. Vino or whatever.
I do not speak to you and that has been made very clear. I get it and I guess I understand it in that different stokes (oh is strokes too dirty?) kind of way. Go away Robert, find peace in one of those other wine blogs that speak your language….just leave me here to toil away with my friends, my lust for wine and my untaught voice. I did not, nor would I have…ever come looking for you. My voice and style are nails on your chalkboard…just go away. I have read your words, ingested them and taken them for what they are worth….trust me on that.
Be well and I sincerely wish you luck in finding someone that does reach you. Talks wine in a way that inspires you because no matter what idea you may have about my motives…I just want people to explore, drink and fall in love with wine.
To my regular readers I apologize for this little rant or intrusion in Our flow...had an issue I felt I had to deal with and felt sacked up enough to put it out here. I don't lend more weight to faceless, commentless bile spewers than I do to all of you but I was not....could not just let some of that go. Thank you as always for indulging me and I promise to get back to my regular posting soon....I so adore all of you and find such warmth in the fact that I can come here and be naked...really fucking naked and feel all of your warm hearts and arms around me. Yeah, that's right Robert we are getting into group stuff now. You don't belong here dude.