So tomorrow afternoon I get to be, “The Show” again, can I tell you how much I don’t love being the show…standing there, everyone looking at me, being extra perky, (helps to picture a scrunched nose and furrowed brow here) not sure you know this about me yet but, I don’t do perky really well. Really bugs me when people insist that you be all bubbly, “Smile this is a party” (Um really not, I happen to be at work) just bugs the crap outta me. I’m not a grinner; I don’t stand around with a vapid, insincere smile plastered on my mug, just not who I am. Hell it bugs me when I go into a store and someone that doesn’t know or give a shit about me shouts an uber bubbly, “HI!” at me with a fake ass grin, makes me trust them less from the get. Sure I will have my core customer base there and I love them, they make me feel more at ease, well that and they love watching me squirm to keep my overactive trap shut when I get asked certain questions. Having them there, well that will help but still here I am already dreading….
So tomorrow it’s our, (drum roll) 1st ever, 3rd Rose Fest….kinda makes yer brain stop doesn’t it?! We have been doing an annual Rose Fest for like 11 years, (we were way ahead of the curve when it came to Rose) and I think it was last year…maybe the year before when we added a 2nd Rose Fest to the tasting schedule. We just have so many that we cannot feature them all in one tasting, plus it gives those that were otherwise occupied an opportunity to partake in the Festivities. The 2nd event ended up being just as popular and now…well now there are three. We serve lamb, roasted veggies, aioli the whole shebang, it really is a fun event and is typically one of our best attended, not to mention…we sell shitloads of wine, so what’s not to like? I mean aside from the Gawd awful stank that radiates of all those garlic goo eaters…atrocious, and get like 80 of them in our small tasting room…all cramped and sweaty, wretched. The stank I can fight through, the thing that gets my crunders in a bunch….the questions.
This is so going to make me look like one of those douchebag wine people but damn…if you are going to be so tightassed about Rose, well maybe a little douchebaggery is in order. So here are the questions that inspire the “Your pissing me off” Sam face.
Are These Sweet? Now I understand this one at the very beginning but after I give my, “No these are all dry Roses” talk while pouring the first wine and you keep asking….at every wine, “is this sweet?” by wine 7 I will be having fantasies about punching you in the face.
Do We Have To Go In Order? Nope don’t have to, but it’s like my job and stuff to pick the lineup, but I’m sure you have a better idea about the order by looking at the labels…have at it.
What’s This Made From? This one kills me, does it matter? Just because you have had Grenache or Syrah before I assure you, it’s not going to tell you a thing about this Rose. Best part….the ones that ask almost never listen. I confess this to you my five readers, last time this one lady had been asking the cepage on every wine, she would ask…nod blankly and move on, I knew she had no idea or really didn’t care what I was saying so I um….tested her, “This one is 60% Grenache, 60% Syrah, 5% Merlot, (she perked up at Merlot..but still vacuous at best) and 5% indigenous varietals”….nod, smile and move on. True Story. It’s Rose folks and take it from someone that has had to write up 25 French Roses in one sitting…they are different, sometimes subtly, sometimes massively but knowing what’s in it, well that aint gonna help you figure it out. More importantly…doesn’t matter, it’s freaking Rose just suck it up, enjoy the season. These are not wines to marinate in, they are fun…refreshing and spunky, love them for that.
Not that many so it’s a really, wide valley of land mines, pretty easy to dodge those 3 bullets no? Come, (Cuzz I’m sure the people that do the aforementioned things are reading my every word) enjoy, squish around in the garlic goo, stab at the roasted potatoes, drink Rose…just don’t piss me off okay?