"So if I'm a raving cunt, it's probably nothing you did....it's likely just me" My words to coworkers yesterday. Just a warning that I might be a tad on edge and the possibility of me verbally ripping their faces off, well chances were kinda high....
So it has been nearly 36 hours since I had a cigarette and let me tell you, "fuckfuckfuckfuckitybullshitblowmethissuckgiantmonkeycockfuckshitfuck." This is by far one of the hardest things I've chosen to do. Sure, I've been through things that might be harder but imposing this sentence upon myself, yeah, way up there in the "this is insane" department.
So I'm still on track, feeling like I am going rip through my skin at any second, but still on track. Holding on the my fortune from the day I quit, telling it to go fuck itself from time to time, but keeping those words in my head and trying to use them as a buffer between me and whatever fucktard is pissing my nicotine deprived ass off at the moment....gawd, this sucks.
Cranky but still not smoking....
This has got to get better right?!
Whimper....
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20 comments:
My Gorgeous Samantha,
Just like holding your breath, the first 36 hours are the hardest.
I know you're done smoking. I don't envy you the withdrawal, and I've never smoked so I don't know how horrible it must feel, but, for what it's worth, I'm beside myself with joy that you quit. Congratulations, Baby, what a wonderful gift to us all.
Can't wait to kiss those smoke-free lips.
I love you so!
Grumble.....
I wish I could add something to Ron's comment, but I can't possibly express it any better...
I am SO happy that you are doing this and it WILL get easier...
Grumble it is...
Hang in there! Hang in there! Hang in there!
You can do it! You're mentally already a non-smoker. You're body will shut up about the withdrawal soon....
know that we're thinking of you and rooting for you lady! sending lots of love...
Something to think about: You've been an adult for some time now, but you've never been a nicotine-free adult before. So you'll feel emotions as well as physical sensations differently, and you'll have to confront some social or professional situations head on and immediately instead of from behind, or after, a cigarette. Takes some getting used to. If it gets too much, ramp up the gum consumption for a little bit. Tapering off works better for some than cold turkey. Or try patches... I had probably 90% less discomfort with them vs gum. Most of all, be kind to yourself. It's a process, a path. You've already gotten through the worst of it. You're winning.
And, maybe wine will taste even better! Am so proud of you. Its hard work, but you CAN do it. I know you can.
This is me giving you a boob to boob smashing hug! There, now you really feel better don't you?
Marcia,
It better!
Sir Puffless Daddy,
I'm all about telling things to go fuck themselves right now...brings a little tear of joy to my even, so yes, "Go fuck yourself Saratoga Menthols" sigh....I'll work on it and thanks for the words of support Charlie baby.
Jeremy,
Thank you sweetheart and hugs and kisses to you and your lovely girls.
Ed,
Dude, you are so good. It's weird, there are little things that I didn't even realize I was using my smokes for. Like telling the time, I would smoke an hour after I got into work and every hour after that, so I always had an idea what time it was, "Had three cigarettes so it must be around 1:00" stuff like that, now I have no damn idea what time it is. Dealing with difficult folks has been kinda easy so far as I think I am still in a bit of shock and "are you fucking kidding me?!" seems to be the general feeling around here so not much seems to phase me, yet...
Webb,
Thank you! That helps more than you know!!
Jess,
Boobs?! Well hell yeah I feel better.
Sam,
You are doing as expected. Just remember that for a long time those little fire sticks had a hold over you that you allowed no one or no other thing to have over you. The time to break that hold has come and there "ain't no way" you will give those cancer/heart killing bastards another chance.
...and wine will taste better, even if it's only in your mind.
Thomas,
Lots of things are better in my head so I will be happy to add wine to that list!
John,
Thanks baby and keep that phone on, I might still need my brother from anotha if I freak out or something. The boys are safe, I've been making an effort to be silly, make fun of myself and not react when i feel all edgy, not always easy but worth it to not abuse my dudes.
It does get better, and easier. Every day will get easier, I promise. And remember; you are stronger than some dried weeds rolled up in paper. xo
Thanks Sara!
Hang in there, Sam. By now, it is 48 hours and counting. Another day and you are over the hump.
Been there. Didn't like. Happy now. Happy for you.
Here's someone who has never met you, sending you thoughts and prayers. It is really, really tough to quit smoking. The end result, however, is glorious. From the frosty village of Fortuna Ledge, Alaska
Sorry to hear about your struggles.
But it's 7pm on a Sunday and I'm alone at the winery, waiting another half hour before i start punchdowns.
I need a wine blog fix!
It does get better. I can't think of smoking a cigarette these days (though I do like smokeless tobacco... another story). Took me 13 well-documented times to quit, so don't get discouraged.
You'll be amazed how strong the smell of cigarette smoke is on the smokers once you are a non-smoker. You won't get winded going up stairs. Little bits of life out there that will validate your decision when at your lowest point. Hang tough, kid!
Hi Sam,
It's been almost a week since you posted this. How are you feeling? Hope the hardest part is now behind you.
Hang in there.
Sorry for the Keyser Soze everyone. Been staying away from the internet for the most past the past few days. I appreciate everyone leaving their sweet and supportive comments, means more than you can possibly know.
Still struggling, like a lot. Cranky. Not sleeping, like at all...but I'm trying. I hope to be back here soon everyone.
XXOO
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