Sunday, October 7, 2012

Time To Say Goodbye

To a 25 year companion......





My last carton.
190 dances left and then
I let go and walk away.
Wish me luck, gonna need it.

31 comments:

middle child said...

Hoping for the best! It's tough.

Samantha Dugan said...

Middle Child,
No doubt, which is yet another motivator for me. Woke up the other day with a powerful feeling of just being done. Done with the smell, the addiction, the $70 a week and being one of those people that has let this thing control me for so fucking long. Have no room in my life for addiction, including my own. Nearly done with the first pack of this last carton and while I am terrified...for a couple reasons, I just feel ready. Thanks for the comment, I need all the support I can get!

The Passionate Palate said...

Dear Sam, you are a formidable, wise, fierce and extremely capable woman...cigarettes don't stand a chance against you! Cheering you on. xo

Anonymous said...

Giving yo my best! Cheers to you! give your future attention to wine tasting..you go girl

Samantha Dugan said...

Passionate Palate,

Dude, that helps more than you know. I'm not an affirmations kind of person but I think I am gonna need them through this. Have to tell you that I hovered over the publish button on this post, for like a long time, which just assured me that once I hit publish I would have at least a couple sets of eyes watching my back and that is so freaking comforting.

Samantha Dugan said...

Anon,

Thank you, and I shall!

John M. Kelly said...

Give me a call if you need some moral support. Plenty of us ready to help where we can, but ultimately it's up to you. Don't let your $70/wk gasper habit turn into an expensive patch habit!

Samantha Dugan said...

John My Sweetest Friend,

I just might, so stock up on Campari amigo. No patches, have the gum but hoping to not use it as I'm sure my palate is going to be going batshit crazy already. I'm sure you will heat lots of bitching but....I want this.

Samantha Dugan said...

Or hear...fuck me, I'm already losing it!

webb said...

You are STRONG. You CAN do this. Lots of support availabl3. Very proud of you. Xo

ADoC said...

You've survived harder stuff than this and come out way the hell stronger for it! It'll be tough, but not the toughest thing you've done.

You can do it. I'd say every time you're craving one, go french call-o instead to satisfy the oral fixation, but dude, then he'll just be wanting to feed you turkey sandwiches....

Ed H. said...

What did it for me was patches & having something to chew on. When I couldn't take it anymore, I'd yank off the patch and chew a 2mg piece of gum. That, and the realization that 70 bucks a week is premium round trip to France, TGV to Reims, ten days' lodging and a bottle of champagne every day you're there. After three or four days, it's out of your system; after three or four months, the cravings go away. You can do this. It's not easy, but it's easier than you think.

Winey the Elder said...

Not about luck, beautiful lyrical one. It's about strength to kick the ass of one of THE most addictive substances known to (wo)mankind. You will succeed; if your writing is any indication, you are one tough minded mofo. We got your back jack, in case you need it. Legions of dosagers cheering you on.

Be well, sam sans nic
WtE

Romes said...

I got your back girlfriend. I know you can do it!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,
Congratulations! Quitting cigarettes won't be easy, but you've certainly overcome far more difficult things. You have hundreds of people pulling for you, Love, as well as your blog husband pulling for you with all his might.

And, personally, I feel like this is a wonderful gift. Thank you.

You've always said to me that you'd quit smoking one day, and that you'd know when it was time. I'm glad that time has come.

I don't have to tell you that I'm also always here for you, Gorgeous, whenever you have a craving.

I love you!

Samantha Dugan said...

Webb,
Fuck, I need to hear that kind of stuff. Thank you so much. Gonna need all that support and well wishes...

ADoC,
Girlie, you know first hand bout some of the things I've been through, some of the hurdles of my life and I have to confess, I'm really afraid this time. I so badly want to be an ex-smoker and now, I don't want to let any of you down. All these words help more than you people can know.

Ed,
Dude. Now I know who I'm hitting up on facebook when I feel like I want to cave. Oh, and lease forgive my grumpy when you come in!

Winey,
Damn, I've missed you. Thank you so much for having my back sweetheart, so nice know I've got so many people in my corner.

Jess,
Alright sister, I'm knuckling down and digging in....RAWR!

Ron My Love,
Kinda funny, someone I love with all my heart has a very big birthday coming up, been thinking about that a ton and one of the things I know, despite all my fears and anxiety about this, I want to be around for all those important moments. I love you sweet man and I'm going to take you up on that craving business....

Carole Meredith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Carole Meredith said...

Those words that you wrote, "Woke up the other day with a powerful feeling of just being done" are the key. After a couple of failed attempts to quit, I too woke up one morning more than 30 years ago with that powerful feeling. And that's what did it. The conviction. It's not a game. It's not "how many days can I go without a cigarette". It's the conviction that you are finished with them. Conviction is a powerful force. Much stronger than cigarette addiction.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Sweet Love,
I can't think of a better gift for my birthday than this. I know you didn't do it for me, but it doesn't matter. It's a fabulous gift, and I can hardly wait to unwrap you.

I love you!

Sonya C said...

Wow Sam, you brought tears to my eyes tonight...
Sending you big hugs...so proud of you!!!
xoxo

Sara Louise said...

You can do it Sam! Just remember, you are stronger than the cigarette.
Six years ago I said goodbye to my 'friend' of 12 years and never looked back. Quitting remains one of my proudest accomplishments :)

Samantha Dugan said...

Carole,
I've never even really thought much about quitting before, had grown tired of some of the issues but hadn't really wholeheartedly considered quitting....that's why when I woke up feeling done, I knew it was time. Thanks for commenting, mean a lot.

Sonya,
Dammit woman, I miss you so much. Thank you for caring sweet friend, I need that so much right now!

Ron,
My gift to you, it's a stupid little gift but it's all I have, it's me. I want to be here for you, for all the people that touch me and my life, for as long as I can. I love you Mr. Washam.

Sara,
Yay! I can now look to you for strength and support as well. Grateful for that, and you.

chris said...

Sending support and encouragement to you, Sam.

Can't tell you how happy I am that you've quit smoking.

Would love to read now and then how you're feeling and how your life changes. For example, does your fantastic palate become even more extraordinary?

Samantha Dugan said...

Chris,
Still in the process, going to finish this carton and am planning on that being it. I have been pushing longer stretches of time between and practicing new behaviors at times when the cravings are worse, trying to ready myself as it were. So for now, still on final countdown but my palate is one of the things I'm most worried about. I know there will be an adjustment....just praying it's for the better! Thanks for the support wonderful lady!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Love,
You're one of my life's greatest gifts. I'd never need more than that. But I'm so grateful, nearing my 60th birthday, for this wonderful present you've given me, and all of us who love you and your talent.

I think that your palate will awaken and everything you love will take on nuances and shadings that you could only have imagined. And no one is better equipped to write about it, to share it with all of us curious about it. It will take some calibration on your part, but if you need some help adjusting the knobs, you know where to find me.

Thank you. I love you so.

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
Knowing that above what this will do for me it is my gift to you, well that is only going to make me that much stronger. I love you so much and that this is making you so happy brings more joy, and strength than you can possibly know. Thank you Sweet Ron, thank you. I am planning on writing about any difference in my palate and the adjustments I'll be making, little things like drinking and smoking, the going out to have a smoke and how I used to use that time to asses my level of buzziness. Going to be lots of habits to break but I want this so badly, going to be worth it. So just think about it, next time we see each other and you give me one of those deep wonderful hugs, I won't smell like cigarettes! Yay

Charlie Olken said...

Sam--

I was an early quitter. Only ten years in.

It is so possible when one finally decides. And it is gift that keeps on giving--to yourself.

Maybe you should come up here for a few days, taste some bubbly with us and feel the pressure of being in a no-smoking house. We will, of course, provide the needed hugs and support.

Anonymous said...

I admire your courage. As tough & sassy as you are, I believe you will be able to make the break and stay "clean".

Samantha Dugan said...

Sir Charles,
The Olken Detox facility provides bubbles and hugs?! Sounds like my kind of place. You are just the sweetest man.

Anon,
Why thank you so much for lending your words of support. So wonderful to know so many people believe I can do this.

TWG said...

Damn, hope you're successful.

Samantha Dugan said...

TWG,
I know right? Might mess with my badass persona...maybe I'll take up pot. I thank you for the well wishes and I too hope I can do this...