And The Stupid Useless Crap Award Goes To

You're shitting me right?!

Oh and such a value, be the first lazy jackass on the block to own a $340.00 Reserve Tank Wine Glass.


Really?! It's that much of a pain to get up and pour yourself another glass? Caught up in your Snuggie? Jesus, this is just embarrassing, someone should be ashamed of themselves....and somoene else should be kicking their ass.

This....this is why people hate "Wine People"

Veto damn it...giant freaking VETO

Brutal But Fabulous

My weekend started much like everyone else’s, on Friday evening but unlike those of you that may have been home or out getting your party on, I was playing host, working still but…the host of another Champagne event at The Wine Country. The night was devoted to the rich, luscious Pinot Noir based wines from Ambonnay and Bouzy. Supple, weighty, amazingly voluptuous wines full of expressive fruit, silky textures and long haunting finishes, um…rawr.

A bit of drama prior to the event, (last minute cancellation, pissing and moaning that they didn’t want to be charged. Oh never mind the 8 people I had on a waiting list that could have come, and the money the store is losing by your no-show. You don’t want to be charged the “half the amount” we tell you about when you sign up…and is on the website, oh and is on the flyers you read about the class on…grumble) had me in a bit of a huff. I hate that kind of harsh reality before I am about to jump around in some magnificent Champagne. Not to mention what it does to the nerves of this horrifically shy, “Wine girl” that is about to step before a room full…less 2….of people that want me to like teach them and junk, grrrrr.



I was fretting about the pissed off guy, the fact that some people were running late, the constant churning in my tummy from the stage fright and I was worried that the wines were not cold enough, stinked. Just when I was wondering if I might need a shot of Whisky to keep going the coolest and most alarming thing happened…

“Hi guys! Rachie and I are here!” Amy arrived with her adorable, (but just as crazy) sister Rachel. Amy was there to help lead the event…and drink Champagne and Rachel had flown down from Northern California to party with her soon to be departing sister….and drink Champagne. My mood was instantly lifted, I was damn near cheery as I watched the attendees shuffle in for the event. “Are you excited about our big weekend?” Rachel asked with a giant evil grin plastered across her cute little face….fuck, I had forgotten. So you know this big holiday weekend deal, turns out I had to work the whole damn time, oh but that did NOT stop me from making plans with Rachel and Amy…how many brain cells does it take to open a bottle of wine anyway?



The wines that night, freaking remarkable. Each flight seemed to perfectly build on the last, the not-too-cold wines were shaking their stuff, flaunting their round bodies and ample fruit and seemed to put a spell on the whole damn crowd. Big, powerful and decadent in that fruit driven, not oppressively yeasty kind of way. I once described the wines from Camille Saves as, “A librarian…in fish nets” and they were working their intellectual, proper, (as in correct) flawlessness right along with that curvy, mouth filling, “Damn….” thing, they were brilliant but, I was wrecked…totally wrecked by the down-right slutty wines from H. Billiot. Where the Saves wines were flirty, the H. Billiot wines were nekkid, buck nekkid and doin’ it oh so well. They stole the show for me, the Brut Reserve, the Brut Rose and the Cuvee Julie…seduced, I was seduced by each one. So no wonder the rest of the evening happened right? (Oh for those that give a rat’s ass, these wines will be written up both here and in The Wine Country newsletter)



We finished the class, cranked the disco while cleaning up and I did my, “We rule” Sam dance once I checked the numbers for the evening…we did really well, okay we were fine but the wines did really well! A couple of regulars, (cough-Vicki-cough) that come to all my events, the ones that help me clean up for leftovers, yeah a couple of them were feeling so great they decided they were down for….The Vortex. Not just The Vortex but The Vortex with another Amy, holy Christ…poor fools.

We gathered the bits of remaining, (after the helpers had their share) Champagne, bought a bottle or two..just in case and headed over to Amy’s to keep the party going…right, right? I remember Champagne, I remember coming in from the outside where I was smoking to find that some smoking was going on inside, dancing…there was lots of dancing, (explained the chaffing rash the following morning. Always fun that) and by the time I left there was at least 2 people sleeping, or “sleeping”. Fell into bed at around 3 am to have the alarm scream at me at 7….had to open the store and prepare for a Paso Robles wine tasting…rad.



Trudged through the tasting that due to the holiday weekend was less packed than we had feared, tasted one or two things and can I just say, Paso wines after a long indulgent night, mean it was just mean….chopped cheese, cleaned up, assisted customers, all with this looping around in my head, “Goodnight Sam, can’t wait to do it again tomorrow night!” Rachel…sigh, Rachel. So after dragging my limp ass through a long work day after way too little sleep I had agreed to another Vortex evening, someone has GOT to make a cream for this affliction.

Sloppy Joes, (I love you Aims but, man I hate those things. Yours were the best I have had but I still hate them, it’s a loose meat thing) homemade fries, pasta salad, buckets of Rose, (the L’Hortus being the stud foe sho), some Saint-Bris and a corked bottle of Jobard Meursault later, the girls were sitting in the backyard, cloud of smoke building above us, and we were solving the world’s problems. Airing Obama’s speech in the classroom-SOLVED, female erotica and the lack thereof-SOLVED, sexual questions-SOLVED…we handled some shit back there for sure. Got home at a respectable 2 am to have the freaking alarm whaling at me once again, oh yea…working Sunday morning too.



“Don’t even bother calling me, I’m going home” was the last thing I remember saying to Amy before climbing into the hubby’s car for the achingly long drive home. Got to work and just barely made it through, dragging…and Sunday shoppers, not always the easiest. My supporting staff stepped up and took on much of the needy nonsense that I was in no shape for and just when I thought I was out of the woods…a text, see she didn’t call, “We have some people over, come over for a cocktail when you get off” Amy of course. As much I long to spend every second I can with her right now, I was spent. The only thing that sounded at all appealing to me was taking off my shoes, ripping off my work clothes and retiring with a glass of wine in my most comfy white T-shirt. I blew off the text with a, “Are you trying to kill me?” reply.



Got home just in time to read the newest text from my evil little muse, “Change of plans. Going to play poker in Hawaiian Gardens” that one I chose to ignore…be well my wild ones, this old bird needs a night off. I had no sooner settled into my uber chill, “I’m so done for the night” puddle on the couch than a neighbor came over….to play with the hubby and I. It was his birthday weekend and he had just returned from a night in LA with his lovely wife…sans kiddies, how could we resist? Truth is we dig the hell out of that cat, so I perked up the moment he came over, we talked and partied long into the evening…Oh and Todd, those stale ass fruit snacks you bought at BevMo, (May dude, they expired in May….bad store, come shop with me!) all I can say is, “That’ll teach you”.



So Monday morning I awoke to not a screaming alarm, just the humming of the bedroom fan. Such a soothing moment, cool air skimming my skin and nowhere to go for hours, I just lay in bed, humming…soothing, letting myself relax, bliss. I stumbled to the coffee pot, loaded up on caffeine and nicotine, listened to music and putzed around on my computer. Pretty much how the whole day went, aside from switching out the coffee for Pastis. Spent the afternoon resting up, well because…..we had another party that night.

“Lafon or De Montille Volnay for tonight?” I text Amy, “Lafon” she replied so I knew what I was bringing to dinner. We were being treated to a farewell dinner for Amy & Sexy Bitch by our friends, Nancy and Joahn. We got there a few minutes late, lots of traffic on holidays, and the Champagne was already flowing…you know those moments when you think, “Fuck it. How much more retarded could it get?” yeah, I had one of those. Sucked back the Champagne, moved on to the Lafon Macon-Uchizy and then into the 2000 Lafon Volnay with the Flinstonian steaks Nancy prepared for dinner. I was not going to muddy this “drunkard's confession” post with wine details but that Lafon Volnay, simply stunning. So elegant, flawless, complex but gentle. The wine splashed across my palate, thrilling me with black cherries, smoke and cooked meat seasoned with fragrant herbs. The mouth feel was so soft, creamy and delicate…the finish, ethereal, what a remarkable bottle of wine, seems too small to call it a bottle of wine, it was a moment.



From there we moved on to a 2002 Eric Texier Chateauneuf-du-Pape Blanc that Amy brought, let’s just say that after one sip of that, dessert was so not needed! Rich, opulent and loaded with spiced peaches, fennel and honey. The wine was super weighty and held onto our palates with a death grip. Maybe a bit much for me while I was chatting and hanging, but the geek side of me was pinging. When the others were mid conversation I found myself obsessing over the layers in the wine, the way it stuck to the glass…oozing down the sides and dribbling down upon itself causing little ripples across the now still wine that had already settled. Flavor was “Meh” for me, maybe a bit too aggressive, but the texture made me insane. Can’t always be primary right, nor should it be….damn, I love this wine stuff.



Made our way home at a very respectable 11-ish, had a glass of something cold and fell into bed….SCREAMING, back to work today…oh, and did I mention it is deadline week for the newsletter? Wish me luck!!

Nancy and Johan thanks for a lovely meal, feisty conversation and for sharing your lovely view with us.

Vicki, Um, I told you...glad you had a chance to be, "Vortexed" before Amy moved.

Michael, thank you so much for the bottle of 2000 Lafon Volnay, it was loved by all.

Amy and Rachel, I love you two but Jeebus! Seriously, are you trying to kill me? It's Call-0 right, you guys are after my Call-o. Whatever, you have my love, laughs AND my liver.

Simple, Pure & Delicious

I first tasted the wines of Camus-Bruchon back in 2003 on my first trip to France. I knew virtually nothing about Burgundy but was finding myself seduced, by the place, the people, the food and most definitely by the wines. I spent 6 days in a smoky, savory, sensual haze…my head spinning, my palate stimulated and my body finding a way to show its appreciation via tiny hairs on the back of my neck standing up, and the slumping of overwhelmingly pleased shoulders.

I was taken from zero to sixty, no Jadot or Bouchard…no right to the cellars of Domaine de Montille, Roumier, Comtes Lafon and Roulot, not that those names meant anything to me at the time. I stood in those cellars, cheeks freezing, little puffs of white air huffing from my lips and my body literally vibrating with excitement. This exploration would forever change my approach to wine, no longer could it be just a beverage I enjoyed drinking….no, it was now something to savor, think about, feel. The romantic and sensual side of it all came crashing down upon my travel weary shoulders in Burgundy, I’ve never looked back.



So with the likes of the afore mentioned estates it’s no wonder that the wines of Camus-Bruchon didn’t exactly make my heart pound, or stand out in the, “Oh My God” kind of way, matter of fact after that first trip I barely remembered the wines, the one thing that did stand out was Lucien Camus. There was a simplicity to him, a soft, gentleness…he looked more like a Middle School science teacher than a winemaker. Standing in his cellar pouring wines for us in his slacks, cardigan sweater and vineyard roughened hands, you could tell he would rather be out amongst the vines or puttering around his cellar alone than answering our geeky questions. He was in no way rude, he was quite sweet actually but there was just this “shy farmer” feeling about him, so unlike the more gregarious winemakers I had been accustomed to.



I continued my exploration of Burgundy once I got home, doused my palate with the wines from Pommard, Puligny-Montrachet, Volnay and the more masculine wines from the Cote de Nuits, I was a beast…insatiable, aching to learn, determined to understand. After a few months of punishing my palate…and my wallet, I had an appointment with my then Beaune Imports rep Sonya Chun, on the docket, Savigny-les-Beaune from Camus-Bruchon. After months of massive complexity those pure, gentle wines tasted so delightfully refreshing, simple and clean and priced in that, “can drink more often” bracket, hot damn!

We have been stocking and selling the crap out of the Camus-Bruchon for years now, they are my favorites from Savigny-les-Beaune and they offer the purest expression of Burgundy without deep extraction or mind bending complexity…they are a joy to drink, they express each vintage in a very traditional way and I love them for that. So imagine how happy I was to see a sale sheet pop up in my email with these wines being offered at even lower prices…hells yeah! I loaded up on 3 of my favorites, (well that were still available) stacked them in the Burgundy department and took home a bottle of each the day they arrived.



2006 Camus-Bruchon Savigny-les-Beaune, ($24.99) I am so diggin the 2006 vintage wines I have been tasting, the much touted 2005 vintage wines I have been tasting as of late seem to be shutting down, and these bright, exuberant 2006’s are just damn tasty! Plenty of tart red fruit here with a faint gamey, smoky flavor that carries through on the snappy, tangy finish…leaves your palate wanting one more sip.



2004 Camus-Bruchon Savingy-Narbantons 1er Cru, ($29.99) “You have to be careful with 2004” I was warned when I mentioned that I might be buying this wine. Of course the issuer of said statement had “read” plenty about 2004 Burgundies but tasted very few…”Um, personally I liked 2004, a very correct vintage in my opinion” I replied, kind of sore spot with me, the denouncing of an entire vintage…grrrr. On the nose this wine has a wild nature to it, roasted meat, dried herbs and tart red cherries, best part…the palate mirrors the aromatics! Light and lean, with a savory component that stains the palate. Sexy as all get out.



2006 Camus-Bruchon Beaune Clos du Roi 1er Cru, ($34.99) While still a tad tight right now, (decant I recommend a good decant here) I was able to pick out more black cherry, deeper, more charred meat flavors with tons of sexy herbs and wild mushroom which provided a delightful “sauce” for the simple roasted chicken we were having for dinner. Acidity is pretty high here so maybe not the best for just sucking back, but with food….damn.

Nearly Pee'd Myself

Thank you Chuck, this nearly killed me but damn....it's like a SWS training film. This is why you MUST find a retailer that gives a crap!

Not Enough Chicks?

“Randy look at all these page hits” I beamed one afternoon while checking my stat thingie for this blog from work. I was trying to show Randy that blogs are in fact valuable and having a voice, a strong voice among all the other chatter out there is important and may in fact bring us more customers…he was/is resisting, but that Julie and Julia movie seems to have softened him on the idea a bit. “Ah that’s because you’re a girl, men are always sniffing around women online” he scoffed. Um, ouch.

I was talking to a very dear friend yesterday and the same form of dismissive comment came up twice in the conversation. “Someone in Manhattan Beach has been reading for like 3 hours, going from post to post…like reading everything I’ve written in one sitting. Kinda makes me feel nervous or exposed.” I said, “He must have been looking at your picture and wanted to spend a few hours with you” my friend jokingly responded. Not really that funny by the way, and there is no reason to assume that the reader was a man. Then I moved on to talking about being blogrolled over at The New York Times, “I have no idea how I ended up there” I remarked only to hear once again, “He must have seen your picture”….ouch again.



Nothing, nothing about the work I put into this thing, nothing like, “well you’re fun to read” or “you have an interesting viewpoint” not even a, “your pictures are funny” just some dudes might think I’m cute or whatever…that sucks. I’ve never been comfortable with my looks, don’t know that anyone really is but it is a very real issue for me, (and before anyone thinks this is the time to lavish me with compliments…don’t. A) I’m not fishing, rather not hear it. B) Finish reading the post) it was a battle for me when I was younger but now, now I just hope that people find me compelling for much better reasons. Pretty, handsome, cute are all luck of the draw or genetics, these things aren’t earned they are given therefore they impress me very little. Now sexy, I think sexy can be earned so when/if someone finds me sexy at least then I feel that I had a part in causing the attraction, therefore it is a bigger compliment but…well, let’s just say that too can inspire some rather odd behavior, I fear my email a little more now.

So when I sat down in front of my laptop this morning thinking that I should post something I started wondering, does it even matter? If I removed my stupid picture would people stop reading? Have I been wasting my time, energy and whatever blip of talent I might have on a bunch of “sniffers”? Pretty shitty feeling I really must say, I was deflated, uninspired and seriously considered hanging it up, just letting it go by way of most other wine blogs…unread, unattended and unappreciated.



I went back through some of my older posts, sure there is some flirty stuff in the comments, that stuff is fun but most of what people commented on was the content, made my little head cock like a dog when they hear something in the distance. Sure most of the comments are from men but aren’t they on ALL wine blogs? The more I thought about it the more pissed off I got…why was my work, my effort, my voice and my time being excused or diminished…waved off as, “It’s because you’re a girl”?! Yes, I have a vagina but I also have opinions, a voice…one that is gonna get a lot louder if I keep being dismissed. I have feelings, facts and stories to tell about wine and the wine business, just like the rest of the bloggers out there.

My blog is no different than any other, mostly read and commented on by men but I do have some female posters and I am sure there are more women reading that just don’t post, (and C’mon ladies help a sister out here) either because they don’t feel the need to have their voice heard or out of fear of jumping into the testosterone infested waters, and now I can’t say as I blame them…..



I write because I have something to say, not to impress sniffing boys or have people think……or tell me they think I’m cute, and to assume or infer that my readership is driven by any other reason than my voice….. is fucking insulting and down-right discriminatory. Guess inspiration comes in many forms, even in the unintended, but still insulting comment. So I’ll keep writing, (always in my bra and panties of course. Oh C’mon you know I had to) until I can find nothing else to say, and hope that someone of either gender will find something compelling in it.

Um, yeah…end of rant.

Packaging vs Substance

The oppressive heat sent the hubby and I seeking shelter in one of those, “Mc Funster” chain restaurants this afternoon. Neither of was feeling like anything in particular and the stickiness of the air was hanging on my back making food the last thing on my mind, so what did I care if we ended up eating some benign crap…it was going to be cool and I could get me a Gin & Tonic to soothe my heat induced crabby mood. We waited a minute for our oversized booth, ordered our drinks and looked at the cartoon riddled menu before opting for an order of chips and salsa to start.

We have been so tied up with other things that we have been neglecting spending any time together, just the two of us alone…not that we are that couple, the “we need to make time for us” couple. We are together all the time, shit he works from home, wish sometimes that he were gone more, the whole absence and fonder deal, but time away from our little “stations” at home sounded like just what I needed…yeah, so the Mc Funsters.



“Sapphire with a splash of Tonic, I made them myself” our slightly flirty waiter said as he plopped the drinks down before us, “You two ready to order?” We were, we did and I munched away on my too thick, needing salt chips and salsa. I took a few sips from my, “Whoa he aint lying” cocktail and felt my shoulders begin to loosen…..BLAST, a rush of screaming hot, wet air met the side of my face, “What the F@#&*!” I glared and my head snapped around to see just what, and whom had assaulted me. And there she stood, a cute little blonde girl in a sundress, she had just come in from the outdoor patio and was bounding over to the table where the, “grownups” were. “Oh okay” I thought and went back to retelling the hubby a story about a book I had just finished.

BLAST! Freaking heat wave was up in my mug again, oh and yes…it was little miss sundress again, this time going back out to the patio. I was mildly annoyed but tried to shrug it off and just chalk it up to 10 year old behavior.
Blast, heat…irked.

Blast, heat…irked.

Blast, heat…getting pissed.




This happened no fewer than 15 times during the course of a chain restaurant lunch, that’s pretty aggressive in the coming in and out department. I went from being irked to being massively pissed off, just who was in charge of this sundress clad, flame thrower? Why was this kid running in and out of the joint behaving like a puppy with an enlarged urinary tract? Was no one watching this little beast, making sure she like sat and ate her meal, oh and didn’t piss off the people sitting by the door….donde, donde the parents? Then I saw Mom…




You know those people that are, how best to say this….trying real hard? Mom was yellow blonde, deeply tanned…too tanned, she must have been late thirties early forties but the sun, well it had taken its toll…she looked like a Louis Vuitton bag. Her body was super tight though, real tight, like she had ripped in all the muscle her 19 year old, Latin American trainer could get out of her. Tank top, short shorts and wedgy heel things…she appeared a few times, each time I assumed to reel in her rug rat, yeah but she didn’t. She was just prancing around the restaurant, popping her head out the patio door, (yes, she was opening it too) to “holla” at her little fire starter….way to go lady.

I ate as much as I could stand and was anxious to get the check and get the hell out of there, the wee one had bummed my whole meal with her imposing her 10 year old will, and blasts of fiery hot air that came with it, upon me that and her Mom was just a reminder to me, a reminder of what I hate about packages.



This woman, on paper was the whole package. Blonde, lean, fertile and willing to do whatever it took to make herself attractive. After we got in the car I looked at the hubby and said, “I would rather be fat, ugly and barren, than be that woman” Carl chuckled but I could tell he knew what I was talking about. You can work out, Lipo, Derma-brase, diet and tan until the cows come home…but all that shit has an expiration date so you better have something of substance on the inside right? Know what I think is my most attractive qualities are, I raised a person that is better than I am and I am honest. No bells and whistles here kids, no wedgy heels, no pimpin’ my wares, just trying to muddle through and feel like the shit I have going for me is the junk on the inside. So the rub? Most people are dazzled by the shiny package.



It’s no different with wine, I cannot tell you how many times I have walked through the store with a timid customer that confessed that they knew nothing about wine. I point things out, explain why I think this wine would make a great gift, only to hear, “She loves cats, do you have a wine with cats on the label, that would be fun!” sigh, “Or you could go that way” is all I can say. Or the person that pays an extra $15.00 to have their $7.00 wine shrink wrapped into a basket, really….you wouldn’t rather spend that extra cash on an upgrade? I can stroll up and down the isles with people only to have them dismiss every recommendation in favor of, “Oh what a pretty bottle” If you are buying a gift for your wine loving peeps, don’t be dazzled by the package, find out what is inside from someone that has tasted it….trust me.



Those of us that are “really into it” could give two shits about the packaging, thick glass, deep punt, long corks and flashy labels mean nothing, Far Niente…just sayin’…..none of that means a thing when you have, “the rest of the budget” in your glass. You ever spent an evening with a beautiful retard…(okay for you guys, let’s make it a week, or a month) great to look at but down-right excruciating to try and find interesting. Shiny, flashy, showy and primary is only sexy for as long as you are “looking” at it, once you try and truly understand it, taste it, appreciate it well sometimes…there aint no there, there.

The People Have Voted

“We just got a notice that we received an Honorable Mention for Best Wine Store in Long Beach. Honorable Mention…who won?!” it was Dale, (Randy’s wife) her face was so expressive, so readable, she was crushed. “Um, what publication?” I asked her, “Beach Comber” she replied, “Oh then Trader Joes is going to win” I blurted. I didn’t say it to sound like an ass but my mind shifted back to when The Press Telegram, (Long Beach paper…horrid, horrid rag of a paper) used to do, “The Best of” contest once a year….(shrugging) Trader Joes, Best Wine Store…always went to Trader Joes.



“If they win then it is because they have a bigger selection of cheap wine.” Dale said looking even more irked, “Exactly why they ARE going to win” I replied. So a couple of weeks later when Randy walked in with his crunchy little, been-left-on-the-front-porch-too-long copy of The Beach Comber I first asked, “Dude did you let the dogs wiz on it first?” as it was sporting a very wiz-colored patch, and then was not at all surprised to see the winner of The Best Wine Store in Long Beach was indeed awarded to Trader Joes. Seems like “good enough” took first prize again, Yay! As I looked over the other, “winners” I had to wonder just who the hell voted in this thing…Best Sandwich went to Subway and Best Breakfast went to Denny’s….freaking awesome.



I’m the first to admit for a big city, Long Beach has a near terminal lack of decent restaurants, seriously there are like 5, (and that is being kind) really good places to eat. Sure we have some fantastic ethnic food but anything above the walk up window and you are kind of shit out of luck, but Denny’s and Subway?! Well with that illustrious group I guess Trader Joe’s wine selection being The Best makes perfect sense…lots of “medium” to choose from, and fer real cheap! I mean who gives a crap if it’s interesting, you can have 3 eggs, 2 strips of bacon, 2 sausage links, hash browns and a stack of air-filled tasteless flapjacks for like $5.00 or 6 bottles of wine for under $20.00….what more could you want? Um, more, lots more.

Wine doesn’t have to be expensive to taste good or please you, there are many fantastic wines under $10.00, from all over the world…the $5.00 and under category might be a bit tougher and I have to wonder how many people think they don’t really like or get wine because they are limiting themselves to the grocery store, (and let us not forget that is Trader Joe’s thing, they are a grocery store, one that had a rich wine past but opted instead to stock cheap wines or wholesaler closeouts. They do have some “finds” from time to time but the majority of what they stock is less than interesting and you are getting what you are paying for) and that $5.00 and under sweet spot. Five bucks is what you spend on coffee, chuck in a few more duckets and the QPR is upped dramatically.




Randy and Dale get a lot more wounded by those “Award” dealies and I don’t blame them, they have busted their asses, bled and lost sleep over that store of theirs…I have too but I think seeing those people come through the door every day, coming to the tasting and classes, sending us Christmas cards…all that amounts to a lot more than some pee stained newspaper award. I don’t want to be Denny’s, Subway or Trader Joe’s, I love being The Wine Country. I love our selection, I love our staff, our customers, turning people onto funky little wines that have enough going on to bring them back...even though we don’t have those little pop in the microwave brown rice things. Wonder if they have a “Created More Lifelong Wine Drinkers” award…that one I am sure we have a shot at!