Yesterday morning I was scrolling through the lines
of babble over on Facebook and I came across a quote from Wine Journalist Eric
Asimov that had been posted by a friend with a line attached, “This quote by
Asimov really resonated with me” so being the good Facebook friend I am I
clicked the linky thing and checked it out. The quote was, "But much of it is mundane. Why should anybody who cares about
what they eat and drink settle for familiar and icy rather than something full
of character? The wine industry has no problem with that sort of unconscious
drinking. It feeds sales and increases profits. Hence it promotes the notion of
“starter wines,” mediocre bottles that help ease newcomers past the shock of
transition until they are ready to try the better stuff. Nonsense. The idea is
merely a rationalization for selling millions of bottles of mass-market junk
wines. Skip the insipid wines. Go right to good bottles. Discriminate!"
I found myself nodding with Eric’s assessment, and mini rant, about insipid Pinot
Grigio being foisted on the masses as if we were doing them some sort of favor
by dumbing it down when my eyes happened upon the first comment or response to
the quote, “Snob”.
Never ceases to floor me how often people cover up
their own insecurities or lack of…not sure which it is, interest or taste, by
calling anyone the least bit discriminating a snob. I know my idiot of a drunk
and living in a shack brother calls me a snob simply because I am a French wine
specialist….as if I ever said, “Domestic wines are shit and I shall only allow
French wines to pass between my lips”. And I’ve been seated across the table
from my in-laws at brunch when the nice man comes around, screwtop bottle of
“Champagne” wrapped in a white towel only to hear my mother in-law, in her New
England tone and volume, blurt out, “Oh! Sam will never drink that!” always with an emphasis on the never and always
with a slightly embarrassed and slightly mocking ring to it, followed quickly
by a, “Oh like we could tell the difference” as if simply because I can in fact
tell the difference, and would rather partake of a Bloody Mary at brunch than
that bubbly junk, well that makes me a snob? Kinda thinking if you can just
name call like that, you might just be more of a snob than the rest of us…..
Have seen the same thing in the world of wine/booze
media as of late. Not sure if it was just on blogs that I was sent links to or
if they were from actual publications, like where these wankers are paid to be
blowhards but after reading a whiskey lover rant against Robert Parker scoring
Bourbon, and how now all the wine “snobs” he encountered on his last trip to Napa,
the ones he described as such“the sheer
douchebag factor of guys in their 60s tooling around in Porsches with chinos
and checked oxfords dangerously unbuttoned at the collar, made safe by the
addition of a blazer. Perhaps a cable-knit pastel sweater was draped over their
shoulders with an artfully-tied knot designed to look careless and casual,
while saying all the while “I sweated the hell out of this knot” would be
gobbling up all the precious Bourbon he and his, I don’t know…regular not
snobby Bourbon sluggers, have been tasting, reading about and studying for
years? Finishing his “Not snobby guy” rant with, “For the average consumer, it’s yet another crowding out at the hands of
shameless trend-hoppers who saw this on TV, will make no attempt to understand
the culture or the spirit, but instead will blindly make pronouncements in the
absence of knowledge” Wow, sort of like name calling and bashing of whole
groups of people that just happen to be into something different, just as geeky
mind you, but different than you are? Hmmmm, just wondering Mr. Pot, what color
is your
kettle? Top that with reading some stupid article saying tasting notes are
pretty much full of shit, one that ended with, “You’re better off drinking
beer, its better anyway” and I’ve had it up to my pickle green irises. Sick and
goddamn tired of everyone and their holier than thou horseshit, finger
pointing, eye rolling, chest huffing and….oh but wait, in all fairness let’s
give the other side, the everyman his chance to un-stuffy this fancy and snobby
world of wine. Give the icy cold Pinot Grigio huffers their whack at it as it were….
A quick 15 minutes on the internet and I can say
with all honesty, I’ll take your Snob and raise you a Twat. Counted no fewer than 10 chocolate and wine
tastings happening in the next 2 weeks, not one but 2 salsa and wine pairing
tasting events, countless cupcake or Girl Scout cookie wine events and my
latest favorite, a reenactment of the wine world’s most adored Jersey Boy,
Crank Yanker, that Gary VanderwhoZit goodfella, another whole article on
breakfast cereal and wine, this time taken up a notch. Where Gary V paired
Riesling with Cap’n Crunch, (“The single greatest product ever made” according
to the Yanker while burying his nose in the glass of Spatlese and telling us
all to take a, “Sniffy sniff”….fuck me) and milk, no this new article….wine in
place of milk in your breakfast cereal. Fan-freaking-tastic. Nothing says
everyday wine lover like a snort of Bordeaux in your Cinnamon Toast Crunch,
that or raging alcoholic, take your pick. I browsed the rest of the blog/site, my eyes
blinking wildly as I tried to figure out if this was some joke when I saw a link
to a previous piece called, “Six Tricks to Sound Like You Know How to Pair Wine
With Food” and before I could even finish processing that I said, “Not one of
them is telling anyone to pair wine with cereal you wad!” So if being picky
about what I put in my mouth and not trying to shove wine in places where it
has no business makes me a snob, dude I’ll take that over fake-ass-wine-yanker
trying to pretend to be sophisticated by having wine be so non-fancy that it
can and should be poured over your Corn Pops, I’ll proudly display my snootery
if you concede your twatitude. Deal?
Look, I think many tasting notes are over-the-top
and full of descriptions that the majority of people imbibing in a glass will
never pick up. Not all of them but some which is why I tend to write notes more
focused on weight, structure and texture, often with emotion, than to rattle
off shit like, “tomato water and pickle skin” when describing wine for our
customers. I just turned in about 25 shelf talkers for 2012 Roses, any idea how
hard it is to do that? For one article? I would love, just once, to list the
wines with their prices and in the notes section write, “Everything you want in
a dry Rose” but being that it is my job to find the subtle differences, I can
assure you, they are there and those regular folks, least the ones that shop at
The Wine Country, they want to read about them. Are they going to get
watermelon rind and lemon oil when they taste their Rose, dunno but it sounded
like something they wanted and they bought the bottle so we tools that write
those notes, we see them as the tools they really are….and most of us aren’t
going around calling you all names because you don’t agree. You cookie and
cereal folks on the other hand….I might have a name for you.
Sigh.
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