I'm Begging You, Please Make Me Feel Something

I need you so badly right now

For the first time in five days I came home with a severe hunger for you

The kind of primal need that has me noticing each strand of hair the wind is sweeping across my neck

The pieces that slip beneath my collar and cause me to suck in my breath and then let it go in a want inspired, almost pained sounding groan

Those few hairs kissing the base of my neck leaving my body tense but pliable

Erect but with the right touch….your touch, ready to melt into soft puddles in your hand
I distract myself with dinner

The chopping of tomatoes for the salad

The course feeling of kosher salt between my fingers

The burring of my bare hands in the bowl

Slippery and firm tomato flesh

Gooey seeds

The salt induced releasing of fluid

My hips pressed firm against the counter as my fingers get lost in a bowl of sensual texture

The way my lips part, anxious and ready for the surrendered tomato moisture that drips from the tips of my fingers

My tongue lapping up the fruits of the salt’s labor….

My mind so far from dinner that I find myself blushing



I pour myself a glass of my go to cool weather dinner making wine, Madeira

It falls clunky and clumsy on my aching palate

The sweetness coming off stupid

Lazy

Boring

Just enough “meh” to turn my focus back to food and forget, just for a moment the neck kissing hair, the groan and the course salt that made those tomatoes ooze

Back to chopping

Hunks of crusty bread

My knife slicing through dense crumbly, crackling crust then sailing through the doughy soft interior

The slight cackle as a stick of butter bubbles away on my stove top

The garlic and herbs releasing their oils, opening, splitting and melting into the bubbling cauldron

Bread cubes tossed on a sheet pan

A swish of the pan

One more moment alone before

I dump the warm, rich herb infused buttery mixture over the waiting cubes

My hands once again tossing

Being coated

Saturated but this time with fatty richness, sharp piquant seasoning, soft interior and hard crunchy crust

I feel my groan aching to escape

Begging to be inspired



I dump my Madeira and pour myself a glass of Chablis

A Chablis that has been….pressing my hips against the counter for weeks now but

Flat

Felt flat

Too stark after the Madeira and

Not making me feel anything….

Dinner finished

A few bites and picking but

Wasn’t what I wanted

What I needed

A Carpano vermouth cocktail was tasty but also not what I craved

I jumped into a sample bottle of Champagne

Just sure that my forever lover would be able to slip inside me and find that spot that makes me wiggle beneath my skin



Not

Fuck

Whimpering….

I am going to bed

Neck nibbled

Body erect and ready to be salted….

My moisture so ready, so agonizingly ready to be released

Frustrated…..