I have been getting so many comments about this article that I wrote for The Wine Country newsletter this month, women coming in telling me how much they loved it, how they either cut it out or left the newsletter open for their dudes to see. I am touched and humbled as always but here’s the thing, the article in the newsletter is not complete, we had to chop it to make it fit on one page, so much of the stuff that made me snicker sadly had to be sacrificed to the space gods. So guess what?! I have a damn blog and junk….all the space in the world to yammer my senseless ramblings, howz about that? So without further adieu…..
What Do We Want?
“What do women want?” age old question is it not? Yeah, the reason this little nugget is still one of life’s unsolved mysteries is because the question is akin to, “What’s for dinner?” the answer is different for everyone. Always slays me that men, being the problem solvers that they are, are constantly vexed, haunted by this question. It’s quite sweet really, oh sure they are trying to make their lives easier by giving us challenging creatures what it is we need and want, it’s part of the whole, “A happy wife is a happy life” mantra, but ultimately they really do wish to please us and I think that is very sweet, kind of like when a puppy chases his tail.
Just about this time every year Randy tells me, “Hey Sam, why don’t you do a Valentines piece, something about what women want” as if to say, “Hey, you have a uterus, tots and some extra estrogen, you must have a manual or something”. Randy and I have had this conversation a billion times, he is one of the kindest, most open minded men I know, he loves women, respects women and has always had a staff that was full of women, but this one little thing just plagues him, nags away at him, fascinates him and I think I he hoping that I will someday reward his years of dedication to finding out what it is that makes women tick, with an answer.
Ladies,
Now before you read any further, I want to assure you that I am not about to give up all our secrets, not going to tell them all the stuff they taught us in that, “special” gym class and I will not divulge the, “Big Three”….but let me help them a bit okay? Hell, let me help you a bit, I mean do you really want another teddy bear dressed as Zorro, holding a dusty silk rose between his teeth? Oh man or even worse, one of those cardboard, and velvet heart shaped box of waxy chocolates? Or his, “Sexy Dance of Seduction” that he named himself, complete with hip wiggling, shoulder dropping and that painfully slow unbuttoning of the shirt? You see, I am here for you just as much, if not more than for them. Now just try and trust me, hand this newsletter back to him and…forgive me.
Gentlemen
Okay guys, I am going out on a limb here. I am seriously at risk of having my, “Girl Card” yanked and be denounced a traitor, but I am going to share a few things with you here in The Wine Country newsletter that you will rarely, if ever, hear anywhere else…I’m going to tell you what it is that women want. I going to crack open my manual and give you what all the men that came before you have longed to know. Read carefully, let it sink in and for god sakes remember what your local wine retailer is willing to do to help you out, I assure you that the stock boy at BevMo would never do this. Here goes…
Women Want:
To be admired for their intellect but Wanted for their beauty
To be wanted by everyone but Touched by few
To have their car full of gas but Never have to ask or feel dependant on it
To be worshiped and lusted after but Not pawed at or slobbered on
To be told the truth but Not if it will hurt our feelings
To be treated as an equal but With chivalry
To be seen as a strong and powerful person but Revered for the naughty vixen she is
To be cuddled but Not smothered
To be appreciated for all that she does but There is no but on this one
To not have to make every decision but Not have you make them, “wrong”
Practical Romanticism
Passionate Comfort......
Everything
Easy enough right? Can’t see why this is so hard to figure out. So here’s my last and final nugget of wisdom for you gentleman, the real deal, the most important answer to your age old question…we want you to keep trying to figure it out. We want to be the problem, (we prefer puzzle by the way) that you just cannot ever fix, the “question” that is always on your mind, we rather like haunting you.
So as your friendly and very helpful wine retailer might I make one suggestion? Respect her as your intellectual equal that you are dying to seduce…get her some wine. You never know, after a bottle or two of one of these wines, you may just get what it is that you want….for her to say yes.
NV Camille Saves Carte d’Or Grand Cru Brut $71.99
Big, rich, powerfully curvy fruit, baked apples and buttered crust but with a smack of citrus and a touch of an almost Sherry like complexity.
NV Vve Fourny 1er Cru Brut Rose $45.99
Romantic packaging, supple, deep fruit and wild spices and chalkiness…and it’s pink, C’mon!
2006 Domaine Tempier Bandol $41.99
One of the greatest wine couples ever Lucien and Lulu Peyraud, owners of Domaine Tempier. A couple in love with their wines, their food, serving both to a table full of friends and family…and each other. Lucien is gone now, and I was told he was buried on the estate where Lulu still brings him little treats. Is it true, not sure but the idea is damn romantic. This Bandol is full of wild herbs, smoky earth, meaty flavors all wrapped in gentle cooked fruit and a powerful, grippy finish.
2006 Chateau de Puligny-Montrachet Meursault $53.99
Meursault is just sexy. Ripe pears and red apples, roasted nuts, toasty flavors with a succulent mouth feel and a snappy little bite of palate cleaning acidity.
2006 Domaine Maume Gevrey-Chambertin $59.99
Another sexy wine in that contrary way. Dark red cherries, roasted coffee, spice but with a intriguing bit of raw meat, teriyaki and herbs. Deeply flavored with a medium mouth feel, bright vibrant fruit and a punch of mouth cleaning acidity.
Passionately Intellectual Wines....um, RAWR
The Boyfriend has a reading assignment when he gets home. Thanks Lady =)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sam. This is post-modern feminism. Equal does not equal the same. There are differences between us and you have found a way to explain them in a way that celebrates both genders.
ReplyDeleteThere are many great truths here, and I am just going to choose one.
-->> To be treated as an equal but with chivalry.
My guess is that many women will have a hard time hearing that, but that the most modern, hip women will understand it instantly. I don't always hold the car door for my wife. Hell, I rarely do, but I do sometimes, when its right, and I know that she knows that it says more than just chivalry. It says how I feel about making us both feel special. You have captured that, and I hope that somehow, in some way, these thoughts get seen more widely than just here because you have hit the nail on the head.
Great stuff. Thanks.
Oh, and one more thing. You forgot the Sauternes. It is a requirement, indeed a commandment,that it must be present at all dinners Chez Olken.
Sara,
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure chicka. This article ended up drving me nuts, tell people what women want & sell wine...hmmm. I cranked it out the night before deadline by giving up on trying to weave wine into the body of the article...just went with a, "I'm here to help you, now please buy some wine" kinda deal.
Funny thing is I wrote it with men in mind, and the way it was cut to fit the newsletter it reads more for men...reading it whole again, it was clearly written for the ladies....
Mr. Puff Daddy Sir,
It is so strange for me to see this piece here on the blog, to read or, "hear" my work voice in this space, but I did want the whole thing to read so whadda ya gonna do?
You picked up on my favorite, "point" as it were and the one I think that sums the whole thing up...even the whole gas in the car thing goes back to this idea. It is also, as it turns out, the one that most of the women that have been talking to me at the store liked the best.
I tend to think celebrating the sexes for their differences makes the whole thing, well...sexier. I think both men and women have gotten so much better at this. I think about those women that thump their chest and demand to be treated like a man, and I just cannot help but think she's doing it wrong. An equal yes, but like a man...no freaking way!
Such a gentle balance the dance between men and women. A fine line between respect or adoration and condescension...."Hers" menus, condescension, (now that might just be me but that just smacks of, "don't worry your pretty head about it"...argh!) where opening the door once in awhile, as you do...that's just sweet and shows how special, how extra special, you are feeling about her in that moment...very sweet and powerful. If that were done all the time, the door thing....well it would become expected, lose the romance and, at least to me, it starts to feel like servitude...NOT equal, NOT respectful and Not sexy.
That's just my goofy take on it anyway. Oh and Charlie, about that Sauternes...too "sweet" for moi.
Kisses
Sam
Jeez I forgot that some guys still need to be told this stuff... Sam thanks for doing it gently, without chiding.
ReplyDeleteI might say that what a guy wants - and if you don't think this matters you have just negated the worth of your piece - is simply for the woman in his life to not make him feel like a douche bag if he makes an honest effort to give her what she wants, even if he gets it wrong. But you are right about the teddy bear and the box of chocolates.
I have found that the wine carefully selected to please her has the most effect when it goes along with the great meal I made for her, and cleaned up after myself.
Ah... Maume. That brings back memories. Back in the day I used to split the cost of buying Maume on pre-arrival from Kermit Lynch with my friend who started Westwood. We would save up to buy all we could, including the grand cru wines, which were not as costly as they have become since.
These were the wines of Maume pere, the one-armed biochemist, and they were uncompromising, austere and sauvage, bordering on rusticity. I recall it was a Mazis from the late '70s that defined my original archetype for great red Burgundy.
Maume fils is making some very excellent wines, wines that are more approachable than the father's. But there are things I miss about the wilder style.
John,
ReplyDeleteNo Sir, I think it matters very much what men want and I even find myself cringing at the last part of this article...as if a woman saying, "yes" is enough, helps, is great an all...might be better if she were the one to pounce him once in awhile even. Men want to be adored, and wanted too, think far too many of my gender forget that. I would never forget to think of what men want, shit some of my most favorite people have a penis! But alas I was asked to do a piece on what women want...so this is what I got.
Have you ever been to Maume? Dood, what a hole....I was horrified on my visit there; dog poo all over, messy stacks, balck mold and to top it off the winemaker had a steady stream of semi-frozen snot hanging from his nostril through my whole visit. That being said, fuck those wines are seductive. I still find quite a bit of, "wild" in them...drive me insane. You know the way it feels when your brush the underside of your bare forearm against someone else's...that tingle or shiver, that is what Maume does to me.
My Gorgeous Samantha,
ReplyDeleteLet me see if I can figure this out. Any of these right?
Women Want:
To laugh, not be laughed at.
To feel embraced, not surrounded.
To be told their beauty is waxing, not waning.
To have their new lingerie noticed, not borrowed.
Affection, freely given, not as prelude to mattress wrestling.
Handwritten love letters sent without an occasion, instead of posting "I love you, Chubs. Happy Valentine's Day" on Facebook.
Their hearts treated as fragile, but with acknowledgment that theirs are superior.
The HoseMaster, not the master of his hose.
May you receive all that You want, My Gorgeous Samantha, today and every day.
I love you!
Your HoseMaster
Sam,
ReplyDeleteLooks to me that all the stressin about writing this article was worth it! Awesome job. I especially agree with..
To be worshiped and lusted after but Not pawed at or slobbered on.
As a young lady, I always find it’s quite easy to point out which category a man will fit in. I remember back in my tasting room days the “gentlemen” who were constantly more interested in getting a peak down my blouse then the inky old vine zin I was pouring. But then, of course, there are the real men who respect women, acknowledge their strong voice and opinion, and choose to appreciate and embrace who they are regardless of what lies between their legs.
After reading this post I feel so empowered….thanks (again).
K.
Ron My Love,
ReplyDeleteExactly...damn, whodda thunk you were so romantic?! Well, guess I might have had an idea...
K,
Empowerment is awesome! Just between us girls, I've always said, "The breasties, they have just as much, if not MORE power than testies"...sounded a bit funnier when I was like 14 but...
Thanks as always for reading lady and for adding your two cents!
Good stuff, that! I mean really, if I showed this list of things women want to my girlfriends, they'd all get it instantly and say, "damn straight, sister!"
ReplyDeleteAnd if I had a man to leave it lying around for so he'd read it, I would. But since I don't,maybe I'll just use it as my "checklist" next time a guy comes into my life!