Sunday, June 7, 2009

Bestest Gift Ever

Longtime readers of this blog know a little secret about me, a secret that could forever ruin my, “bad ass chick” status…up to this point my readers have had my back, they have mummed the word, as it were, and for that I am greatly appreciative. So it is to you my dear readers that I come to confess the latest installment of, “Oh My God” and being reduced to a pile of goo.

For the newer readers I will recap…briefly. I am not a kid person, never have been, I have one of my own, he is turning 20 in a month, and I found him quite tolerable, enjoyable even, (who am I kidding, he is my favorite thing ever...but the older he gets the more I love him so) but even the whole having one of my own thing, never quite warmed me to the whole kid business. I think babies are pretty much yucky, and as I have said before….texturally unsound, and being that I have nothing in common with the 2 year to 15 year set…I am pretty much immune to their, “charms”. Might make me sound harsh, but it is a fact and one that I have been comfortable with…until about a year ago.

So I have a neighbor, a short, toe-headed, big blue eyed neighbor that has the most incredible disposition, and a voice that comes from waaayyyy down deep in his tummy, carries across the little patch of lawn that separates our two apartments, and lands upon my heart in the most insanely, melting way. The little chump has me squarely wrapped around his tiny, pudgy finger…sigh, so not good for my rep.


It started harmlessly enough, watching him teeter around learning to walk, playing with bubbles on his front stoop, he was quiet, well behaved and that was the beginning of my, “well, he’s alright I guess”…then he started talking….a lot, and that began the conversations between our screens. “Hi-lo Sham, (that’s me) where Call-o, (my husband Carl) is?” it just freaking went downhill from there. We, “talk” all the time now and I am truly content to just watch him at play, I’m all in and think he is just about the cutest thing I have ever seen….when he made me “cuck-cakes” for “balentimes” I gave up the ghost, I’m so his sucker now.

So Friday night, (my birthday evening) I stumbled my seriously saturated ass, up to my screen to find a puffy mailing envelope stuck to it, I made my way inside, removed my shoes, washed my face and collapsed on the couch…only then did I read the envelope;

To Sam Sam Sam (what the wee one sings all the time now…dude)
From Tyler

I tore into that thing like a kid on Christmas morning, and there, neatly folded inside was a handmade card, in crayon…with heart stickers….dude. I opened the card to find more stickers, an original work of art and a picture of my wee buddy, in sunglasses no less, looking a little like Chicken Little…. “Damn you tiny person…damn you” I almost cried


So as if that were not quite enough, the next morning his door opens, he steps out…in jammies, and Spiderman slippers and accompanied by his Dad, comes up to my screen. “Sorry to bother you Sam but Tyler has been asking us, all morning, if you got your card. “Sam get it?” “Sam get her gif yet” so I thought we would come and make sure that you did” I leaned down, also in my jammies and told him, “Yes I got your card, it was the best gift I got all day” he lit up, eyes got even wider and a smile spread across his pudgy little face, “Tank you. Tank you Sam, Sam Sam and hab a happy berfday” and he shuffled, in his Spiderman slippers back to his apartment.
Once again reduced to a pile of goo…..sigh.


Benito said...


Utterly adorable. The kid's going to be fixated on blondes for the rest of his life. ;)

One of my friends has a little boy, and he'll run up to me saying, "Hey Uncle Ben!" and give me a little fist bump. Even my grizzled old heart melts.


Peter Liem said...

OK, I realize that I'm sidestepping the whole point of this post, but "texturally unsound" as a kid descriptor has to be the best thing ever. (I'm not a kid person either, and generally avoid children as much as I possibly can.)

Samantha Dugan said...

When I got the card I was thinking, "Okay I have to post this...Benito has to see this kid". Gonna get another photo of him, sans glasses so you can see what utter cuteness faces me daily, and why I was powerless to resist. I think he might be into blondes with glasses, I notice when my black framed glasses are off he seems kinda thrown off.

They are though right?! I'm always freaked when some new Mom tosses her little noodle-necked darling in my arms, (because you know, I have a uterus, so therfore I give a crap...ewe) and I stand there, nose all scrunched waiting to have a "Lenny moment"...uggg

John M. Kelly said...

"Lenny moment..." I frikcin love this - 'cept I see the cartoon: "I want to hug him and hug him and pet him and pet him..."

We waited a long time to have our two, who are now 6 and 4. We used to joke that when people have children they go clinically insane - thay have to, otherwise they would eat the little spuds. Now we are those insane people.

Example the latest: Today is "dress like an animal" day at my 4-year-old's school. As we are nearly out the door he finally decides what he wants to be, and there is like no way we have time to throw that costume together. His sister immediately sits down and draws him an "alagator badge" (her spelling) with a really good picture. He won't wear it, but I would. And am, with pride. Too cute by half.

vickibarkley said...

I'm with Peter: "Texturally Unsound" is a perfect descriptor. Or, as my ex-husband used to observe, when sticking pieces of paper to the bottom of Jackson's feet, "He's not fully cured yet. Look, he's still sticky."

Samantha Dugan said...

Goes along with what I have always said, babies, (puppies and kittens too) have to be cute...otherwise no one would deal with them! I too would wear that alagator badge with pride, very sweet!

Not that is damned funny