Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Good For You




Just a quick word to the woman that sent me the email this afternoon, the one letting me know how much she hates my blog, and by extension, me. I would normally twist and seethe, mutter and shake my head, feel anxious and worried by comments like the ones you included in your, frankly, time wasting email to me but...well after reading

"You are also too stupid and pitiful to even know we are all actually laughing at you"

I find myself having only one thing to say to you, "Good for you". If your intent was to make me cry, hurt me, make me feel stupid, well congratulations dear lady, you win. I did cry. You did make me feel stupid. Your letter hurt. Happy? You feel better now? I hope so because if my heartbreak and tears make your heavy and rotting heart happier than I'm actually sort of honored to help. Sincerely glad to bring you some joy in a world that is clearly so shallow that you are compelled to seek people out just to stab them in the gut....seems so sad that. 

I may be stupid
I may be pathetic 
I may be pitiful and naive...

But I would never say the things you did in your hate-filled note. Nor would I ever even think of another human the way you obviously do about me. I will stupidly go about my life, being "pathetic and hopeless"   but I do so knowing one thing

 At least I'm not you.

15 comments:

Ed H. said...

My wife and I used to have an immensely popular espresso shop in San Francisco near Haight Street, with hundreds of customers an hour. I'd tell new hires that because of the laws of averages, if just 1% of the population was insane (many days that number seemed ridiculously low), they'd be dealing with nine certifiably insane people each shift, and if one percent of that one percent was homicidal, every three months, they'd be serving someone who had just killed, had killed before, or was thinking about killing someone.

As you reach more people, Sam, you're gonna butt heads more and more often with insane people, people who say and do things that unintentionally reveal their mental illness. Sounds like you just came up against one. This particular mentally ill person is trying to silence you by making you feel weak, dumb, worthless, irrelevant and clumsy, even though you're none of those things. She want you to second-guess yourself, to censor yourself. Next thing you know, you stop writing. Be glad that she managed to hurt you: It means you're still open and raw and willing to experience and discuss the world in fresh ways, with a clear voice. Despite what she'd have you believe, your fresh, honest, unpretentious no-holds-barred way of expressing yourself is exactly what we're all after.

So pity her, thank her even, and then forget her. Do you know of a writer that everybody loves? Me either. That writer's yet to be born. Exact your revenge by being wilder and freer and more spontaneous and prolific than she can ever dream of being.

Angela said...

Ugh. When I get a nasty comment I just remind myself that the more random folks you have showing up to read, the more likely you are to get some kind of crap like this. With popularity comes a level of nasty. I love Ed's response. I love your blog--keep doing what you are doing.

pvtrailrunner said...

Love both the responses above. So true!

You're courageous and you have a wonderful, authentic voice! Don't let the haters get in the way of your great work.

Dale Dimas said...

Just Wow...Samantha, apparently you have reached a new height of "power" that you were able to force this idiot to read your writing.

I've been enjoying your blog, admired your style, your ability to convey your love for the food and wines you write about. But, man, I could not be more impressed that you somehow got into this person's life and made them click the link and read each word, obviously against their will! Damn, Girl! Get down witcher bad self!

And I think Ed expressed beautifully how we are all going to cross paths with the crazy people. We try not to feed the trolls, but it does, at some level still hurt. On the other hand, you weren't writing specifically for this person anyway. And not that it's my place to judge or speculate, but I'm guessing when she got to the climax of whatever piece she was reading and then found out you were talking about wine...well, her 50 shades of whatever was disappointed. Screw her...not literally.

Keep writing and expressing your self. Those that are intrigued, enchanted, maybe even bewildered sometimes will read and thank you.

Thank You.

Kate said...

Squeeze.

ADoC said...

dammit, stupid blogger didn't take my comment.

Be glad you incited her enough to write an email. Hatred is the flip side of love. Apathy is worse is than a vituperative email, any day.
Right?

Keep pissing people off. It's the only way those people feel useful.

Samantha Dugan said...

Hey Everyone,

You are all so wonderfully supportive and I appreciate it more than you can ever fully know. This was my second bullshit, mean and intentionally hurtful letter in like 3 weeks and much like the other one, it hurt but this one, with her slashing personal attacks, this one made me crumble under the weight of absolute hurt and come out on the other side. I did in fact end up feeling sorry for her. Who reads blogs....blogs and then sends hateful emails? Very, tragically sad people with nothing better to do....sort of like brunettes telling blonde jokes. See what I did there?!

You are all in my newly bolstered spirit and that wretched woman is stuck with her mountains of time and severely decomposing heart. Not trying to keep score as I don't actually believe life is a game but...like I said, least I'm not her.

Thank you from the bottom of my very soothed heart. xoxoxoxox

Thomas said...

Sam:

Need I tell you any more than what the above have said? I doubt it, because I know that you know such people have no power over you.

One day I'll have to show you my collection of nasty letters. It took me a little while, but now when those missiles come flying I don't feel a thing as they make an effort to land except that it shows me I make an impact, which is all that a writer can do.

Samantha Dugan said...

Thomas,
Nope, no more needs to be said. I used to have a friend that would urge me to ignore these nasty letters and tell me that by responding I was giving the author exactly what they wanted, which is true and why I ignored the other one a couple weeks ago but this one, this one was so personal and mean that I figured, "well alright, I'll give her what she wants, maybe then she'll be happy"....

I wish I were as resilient as you but in the end I am a big softy and shit like this here, it can hurt. I'm way over it now and like I said above, I just feel so sorry for people like this.

gabriel jagle said...

Sam, I am sorry to hear your raw and emotional blog was subjected to such hurtful criticism.

To look at it from a different perspective, take solace in the fact that you weren't be publicly shamed by a nationally renowned critic. Lots of blogs (not yours) like to bad mouth certain styles of wine or philosophies of winemaking. Winemakers are also real people, who are often hurt and insulted by people who carelessly write about a subject they loosely understand.

While I don't want to trivialize the callousness of what you experienced, I hope you can remember this experience next time some blowhard wine blogger who has never made wine in his life writes about the stupidity of a certain winemaking style

Sara Louise said...

I just don't understand why someone would feel the need to do something like that, anonymously of course, always anonymously.
And for the record, I love you my friend Sam, and I love your blog.

Samantha Dugan said...

Gabe,

Oh love, my silly blog has been fodder for all kinds of assholes, trust me on that and most of the time I get miffed, and get my feelings hurt but I can take it...this was a whole other category of nasty. But I get what you're saying kid and I tend to agree with you. I will take cracks at the "brands" like Rombauer and Caymus, wineries making big, sweet wines and passing them off to the masses as high quality, but you will rarely hear me make fun of the people that drink those brands. I will poke a bit at the fact that they think those are dry wines but I just don't get my rocks off yucking someone else's yum, nor do I think it's fun to shit talk on people's work. I may have been that person once...maybe but now I just want us all talking, not being afraid to share our opinions and most of all, drinking more wine together. Whadda fuckin' hippy right? Thanks for popping by kid, nice to see you.

Sara,
Oh she left her name. I don't know if it was real or not and much like I have done historically with these shit talking letters, I deleted it as a deterrent, or safety from myself. All I need is to get all buzzy and email one of those assholes. That lady, unlike the other one a couple weeks ago that called my writing "laughable" who was a fairly "famous" blogger, (that always cracks me up, famous wine blogger...LOL) I'd never heard of this woman so maybe it was a made up name but, never felt the need to call them out by name as that will just give them more attention and for what, being a douche? Nah. Thanks for popping in as well Sara, I adore you and your blog too!

webb said...

WTF???

Why on earth would someone spend (waste?) their own time bothering to write a vitriolic email to you? Do you force her to read your posts? [I love the idea of tying her to a chair, taping her eyes open and putting them up endlessly on a screen for her to read. Oops, too BDSM!]

Ignore the bitch!

You write one of the best blogs i read - seriously. few people have the sheer guts to put their souls on the line and into words the way you do. Sometimes i save your posts to read when i have more time to savor them. i never want to rush them.

Huge hug, Sam, huge. go drink a really good bottle of wine and don't let some looney tunes get you down.

re-read ALL of these comments, girl.

buonuvo said...

Evidently you touched a very deep place in this person. That's what great writers do.

Sam, your writing resides among some of the finest in the blogosphere. Hemingway once quipped that it was easy to be a writer - all one had to do was sit at the typewriter and bleed. You bleed with the best of them.

Samantha Dugan said...

buonuvo,
First of all welcome and thank you for commenting here. Your words are far too kind but in the light of recent lack of feeling terribly inspired, I will savor every stroke of it. You made my day and it's just morning. Thank you and thank you for reading.