Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Getting Results

Still cartwheeling through my crazy tidal wave of a work schedule right now, but I can see the light at the surface and am two events away from coming up for air….and maybe even having two days off in a row. Could have done without the thirteen hour shift yesterday, after having only one day off and no matter how hard I tried to freeze the screaming in my back, the fucker was relentless in letting me know just how displeased it was with the work load, reaching, popping corks, pouring and anxiety. But today is a new day. I slept like I was getting paid to do it last night, have the morning off to just chill and rest my bones before heading in to pour and taste a bunch of grower Champagnes for forty enthusiastic customers. Little part in the sea of craziness with just enough room for me to come up for air, exhale and give those of you interested the results of my “Help a girlie out here” survey.

Got about twice as many participants than I expected. I do know what a pain in the ass doing those things can be, also aware that many people simply find them stooped and won’t do it, so thank you so much to those of you that indulged me in my queries and loosely veiled attempt to take a few days off from posting. The real reason for doing that, I mean other than actually needing to take a few days away to deal with my workload, is that after listening to some people that are far smarter and more talented than I, tell me that I should look back on the body of work I have amassed here, get it organized and maybe get a few new readers by grouping like posts together so they can just click on the stuff that might interest them, well I finally took heed to their advice and urging. Getting my collective shit together as it were. So the real question I was seeking answers to was the fourth one in which I was looking for what categories my readers were most interested in. I had fully intended to start tagging away, scroll through past posts and start labeling while gathering the responses you all gave but two things happened. One was that upon coming home after the current schedule I am plowing through I flopped down on the corner of my couch, reduced to a spent pile of goo, unwanting and unwilling to even really touch my laptop and….well it dawned on me, without having all the categories I was planning on using I would be doing the work twice! I barely read my posts when I write the fucking things, not a chance in hell I’m going to comb through my blather over and over again. I may not be smart and junk but I’m wise, (read lazy) enough to avoid, or save myself, from doing more work than I need to.

Compiled the results of the survey this morning and this is what we came up with. Now the numbers are a tad wonky, that’s what happens when you allow more than one vote per question, so you “Math in the head” kids, simmer down.

Don’t You Hate These Damn Things?
77% of you were okay with taking the survey, thanks so much.

How Often Do You Visit?
37% of you visit this silly blog once a day
28% get the email alerts and according to the “other” option Google lets a chunk of you know when I have a new post up.
Even gots me a couple stalkers, again thanks so much.

I Hate It When……
75% picked the Go a week without posting option

11% are ashamed of their dirty thoughts

Had two people tell me they hate the memoir, my history and son posts….might want to find a new blog to read then folks, those won’t be going away.

There were a bunch of write-ins on this one with, “None of the above” being the winner there. My sister also hates it when I talk dirty but then again, she should.

Grouping Posts
58% would like to see a just wine group. Gonna have to see if I even have posts that are just wine but it will be a category for sure.

47% want to know when I use the “F” word more than twenty times.

31% are looking to get their kinky on.

How Did You Find This Blog?
43% of people ended up in this loony patch by seeing my comments or blog on another bloggers site.

27% were told by a friend (and thank you for spreading the word!)

Have You Ever Reposted Posts?
53% of you have and I am utterly floored by that….and very flattered might I just add.

I Often Find Myself__________
48% of you laugh

16% of you cry, (sorry about that)

13% of you are pervs

0% are pissed at me

Another big other section with “All of the above” taking that by a landslide…with some rather curious and mildly disturbing, (ahem, pervs) answers that I shan’t be sharing, but you know who you are.

Pickles Make Me?
63% are pleased by pickles

23% are puckered by them

17% are gassy 

I Would Like To See A New Post?
59% are willing to wait until whenever

24% would like to see a daily post. Not happening, I’m no STEVE!

18% think weekly is sufficient

5% are content with a once a month. Also not happening, too much a blabber flingers for that.

I’ve Always Wanted To Know?
34% want to know what’s up with me and The HoseMaster aka Ron Washam. Tough shit folks, some things are for me to know and you never to find out. I will say Ron is a dear friend, one of the sweetest and most generous of heart humans I have the pleasure to know and love. He melts me like butta and only he can know how much I love him. There. Nosy bastards.

31% want to know why. Why what? I didn’t even understand that question.

31% are wondering what the worst wine I have ever had was. Okay, flaws notwithstanding, I have to say the single worst wine I have ever had was Molly Dooker Blue Eyed Boy Shiraz. Fucking disgusting. Tasted like chocolate and coconut covered cherries and I let out the loudest and horribly embarrassing gag when I tried to spit the vile shit from my mouth. Just like those caramel, chocolate, eggnog drinks aren’t coffee, that wine was not wine. It was a box of chocolates masquerading as wine. Hate it.

19% wankers. To ask a wine professional what their favorite wine is, well that’s just crazy. Unlike children I actually don’t have a favorite. I can’t. There is just too much involved for me to pick one wine to love above all others. What next? One meal? One song? One man? C’mon. I will say that I drink more Sauvignon Blanc than anything, have a passion….a fierce one, for grower Champagne and I am currently having a wild affair with Sherry. Good enough?
8% of you want to know what I really think about other bloggers. The truth is, I kind of don’t think anything of them for the most part. I’ve made some truly wonderful friends on blogs. Met some wicked cool people from them but, there are honestly so few I read anymore that I don’t spend much time thinking of them at all. My blogroll lists the ones I read daily, or whenever they have a new post but I don’t seek out new ones and have stopped reading most.

8% are wondering if there is anything left to know. Um, yes, yes there is.

As promised I said I would answer any questions left for me, I thank you all for taking it relatively easy on me here, gotta admit, I was a tad fearful but these are easy.

"Do you accept free samples for review?"
How dare you?! You know, I think I did once but no one ever asks me. Can't say I blame them seeing as I rarely review wines here. 

"Why not?"

"I'm a wanker & what would your death row meal be?"
Dammit. This question always kills me. Too fucking hard. I think honestly, a pile of super crispy, salty french fries and a glass of Pierre Peters, H. Billiot Brut Reserve or Camille Saves Carte Blanche to wash them down with.


“What writer (non-blog) inspires you?”
Obviously a question from someone that skipped those memoir and “history of me” posts. I was always a horrible student and am a tad ashamed to admit, I don’t read as much as I should. That being said, I always loved Dorothy Parker, Charles Dickens, Dave Matthews, Helen Fielding, Alice Walker and Kermit Lynch.

“How did you get the job you have & How did you become the resilient child?”
No fair, that’s two questions. I got my job at The Wine Country the good old fashioned way, nepotism. Randy Kemner is my second cousin and he drug me, kicking and screaming might I just add, to my now insatiable love affair with wine. He opened that door to me and changed my life in ways I could never have imagined. Not sure how I can ever repay him for that but, I won’t ever stop trying.
The resilient child thing, well I guess I just didn’t see any other option. Sure I could go by way of my brother and many others that blame every little roadblock or hurdle for why they fail or worse, stop trying. Just could never get past asking myself the next part, “So what are you doing to change it?”. Kind of a boring answer I guess but, it’s the only one I’ve got. 

“If you are obsessively geeked-out about wine, what’s the best way to camouflage yourself so that normal people will not run screaming from you?”
Um, might I point out that you posed this question to a woman that writes erotica…about wine?! Best I can offer is to tuck those little letters after your name in and run with a herd.

“Do you think about your readers when you write your blog, and if so who, (and what should we know about that person) and if you don’t, why would you expect someone to read it?”
If I didn’t think about my readers I simply would not write at all. I think of them all the time, almost obsessively at times but the thing is, my readers are all over the map. I have wine people, not wine people, friends, family, and customers, people that seem to feel something when I write about one thing, others that swoon or get excited about something else. The responses I get are so varied, the voices, hearts and desires behind them vast. I write about my son and some people tear up, find hope, cry as it turns out and others aren’t interested. I write a rant about stupid ass Food & Wine magazine and their asinine wine pairing suggestions, some people hoot and laugh, others could give a shit. I don’t have one kind of reader and I am eternally grateful for that. I believe this question came from the same person, (and forgive me if I’m wrong…everything is anonymous so I can’t exactly tell) that thought my Memphis posts were over the top and disliked the topics that were, “More you than me” and it is for readers like you that this whole exercise is for. I don’t want you to have to, “suffer through the artistic process” when I label my posts you will be able to go right to the ones that have what you might be looking for. So see there, I do think about my readers. That being said, this is a blog, not a publication or the store’s newsletter. I come here to write whatever I feel and I’ve been lucky enough to have some people enjoy it.

“Do you grasp how amazing of a spirit you are?”
Um, not really. I have however grasped how very lucky I am….good enough?

“How do you find the intellectual energy to keep going; I’m glad that you do though”
Intellectual?! Clearly not a regular reader. I spend my energy and time here because it seems to feed me in a way nothing else has so far. I love the process, admit that I crave the responses and adoration and I have become addicted to watching a piece come to life. I rarely sit down with a post in mind. Just hunker down in front of my laptop and start talking. When something comes together it feels amazing to me. Intellectual, not so much, feeding the monkey on my back is closer to the truth.

“Did you ever go “All the way” with Amy?”
(Sighing)  No. My best friend and I did in fact go through a “phase” where we flirted and might have kissed a little, (forgive me for spilling Aims) but I think it was more to get our husbands all atwitter…and dude, did that ever work.

“Will you marry me?”

“Do I have a chance, or not?”

Thanks for all the insight everyone. This was not only fun for me, it really was useful in the getting my shit together department. Got two more events to slug through….and I know you are all loaded up with sympathy thinking of me slugging through 11 grower Champagnes this evening, but I offer that I have to get through Nouveau Beaujolais tomorrow….and then I will have a bit more time to share, whatever it is I am feeling, with all of you here. Had my lips and tongue, (sorry sister) plunged in some heart stopping wines the past two weeks, got lots to share.
Thanks again.
Hugs and Kisses,
Wine Slinger


Survey Daddy said...

Okay, Sam, I know the truth and I am going to have to let it come out.

--Writing from the heart is difficult. I wish you would post more often, but I get it. My kind of blogging, not easy for me, is nevertheless a lot less demanding of my soul.

--Ron Washam and you have a love child together. His name is Tom Wark.

--The posts I like the most are wine posts from the heart. I don't think I have ever been so moved by winewriting as your first story about a woman buying a bottle of bubbly to celebrate her mastectomy. Talk about crying--I still tear up when I think of her courage. And, in a different way, I was also profoundly blown away by your love-making column that was as sexy as could be and wound up being a great wine. I cannot think of another wine writer, and damn few writers anywhere, who could hold an audience in the palm of her hand the way you did with that story.

Pickles are better than pies.

You are the best.

Anonymous said...

I gotta go with Survey Daddy: pickles are better than cream (pies) any day. Speaking about, erm, food- of course.

Cheers, girlie, from afar, and with a glass of non-fantastic wine in hand (unfortunately). I'm still dreaming of that spicy, yummy, syrupy chestnut liqueur that makes me take my clothes off...

Joe said...

Good job; it all ultimately made for a swell post.

If anything, it's an indication of how much you care about your readers.

Surprised i've never asked: fan of cru Beaujolais??

John M. Kelly said...

OK so consider that I'm listening to Thom Yorke singing "Black Swan" as I type this... and that it has been a tough harvest - cut me some slack.

Doll forgive me but I did not do the survey. It seemed too much like a barrier to any real intimacy. Your fans take a survey. Your friends say "fucking call me on the phone if you want to 'get results.'" Get it?

Ron Washam said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,

Not sure I deserve your kind words, but thank you. And for those of your survey takers who wonder about our relationship, wow, get a life! We're married, OK? The HoseMaster and SansDosage are blog spouses. I proposed, she accepted. It's in the Survey! And Tom Wark is definitely NOT our love child. He's my love child with Alice Feiring. (Sorry, Samantha, I should have told you.)Our love child is Justin Bieber's brother Leavitt II Bieber.

Samantha, I love you! Write what you want when you want. You are my hero.

I love you!C

Samantha Dugan said...

Survey Daddy,
Ah yes, The Lady of Chablis, (it was Chablis she was buying not bubbly) haven't seen her in awhile but she is a truly remarkable spirit. Wonder what category I should put posts like that under?

You are so terribly sweet to say the things you do Charlie. Your adoration has become something I crave, your admiration the curved finger under my chin making me hold my head just a little higher...

Miss you girlie. Sorry you were drinking bad wine, time for another visit? I got the jammies, couch and time!

And you went and broke my bawls. I do happen to be a fan of Cru Beaujolais. Took me years to get there, (used to hate all things Gamay) but now I not only love them, I respect the hell out of their place on the world stage of wine.

What kind of friend would call their buddy in the middle, or at the end of harvest, to ask, "What categories do you think I should use.....on my blog?" c'mon.

Ron My Love,
Oh I see how it is. You hop from female blogger to female blogger dropping your wit, wisdom, humor and seed. I'm heartbroken....

Thomas said...


Did I miss something???

Samantha Dugan said...

Meh, not really. I mean, other than Ron confessing to getting his "natural" on with Alice....

Anonymous said...

Wait just one minute....

Tom Wark....