Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Public Service

If you can't do this....

And feel that you must have one of these.....

The thing that lets you cook pasta in the microwave and has a handy steamer attachment so you can make baked potatoes...let me say that again, a steamer to make baked potatoes then....

You're dumb
Just sayin'


Benito said...

Embarrassing confession time:

A dear friend of mine got me the Pasta Express AS SEEN ON TV for my birthday. I gave it a try and managed to get some decent burns down the side of one hand, and the pasta still wasn't cooked. I wasn't concerned about the injury--years of cooking over flames, coals, and car engines have rendered my hands practically immune to heat. Tonight I even discovered a fresh burn scar and I don't know when I got it.

Anyway, I was conflicted... I couldn't just tell her that her gift was terrible, but I also didn't want anyone with less calloused mitts to get hurt. So I fessed up, and discovered that the whole thing was a gag gift, never meant to be used.


Anonymous said...

Anything that comes with a "Bonus" is automatically a red flag... as is "Call within the next 10 minutes for your freebie" or "Wow, this NEVER happens to me... must have had too much to drink. Erm, eh, sorry."

Dude, we need a chat or good email exchange at the least...

Thomas said...

Too funny, Sam.

A few years ago I broke down and bought a microwave oven. After the initial, "oh, I can do this in there!" of a few weeks the thing became just a large clock that took up space--then one day I picked it up and tossed it out the window.

I still make popcorn the "old fashioned" way, and it's always better than the microwave brands that others have served. The thought of's too painful to go on.

Samantha Dugan said...

Gag gift is really the only thing that hunk of plastic is good for in my ever humble opinion.

Another Day of Crazy,
Agreed. I LOVE the commercials though. This one makes cooking pasta look SO hard, it just kills me. I was laughing through the whole thing and then when they did the whole, "It even comes with a handy steaming for perfect baked potatoes every time" well that was when my crunders got all crunched. Hm, now if you steam a potato is it not a steamed potato?! Jackass.

I happen to believe the "drank too much deal" maybe not the "this never happens to me" junk, just know too many dudes in this business that have told me too many stories, (oh and they could stop doing that by the way) not to buy that one. Couldn't tell you from personal experience though, NEVER happened to me.

But in the interest of sharing here are a couple of my favorites on that subject from my archives:

"Let me show you how much better I am now. I can last so much longer than when we were together" good for you's amazing that you can last longer at 40 than when you were 16. Quite a feat.

"It will only take a minute" there's an incentive.

"I read a study that women that have had children are less sensitive down there (yes, he said down there) so that must be why you didn't climax" no dude...I happen to be plenty sensitive but there is that pesky 60 second warm up period...

We should get caught up girlie, been too long.

I use the microwave to melt butter of all things. That's it. This big, as you said, clock just to melt butter. Lame. The first thing I thought of when I saw that commercial was, "Um, where does the starch go?" cannot begin to fathom how awful the taste and texture of pasta cooked in that contraption might be.

Sara Louise said...

Oh I have one of these. I cooked dinner last night with it. It was cold so I was wearing my Snuggie.
Gotta go, I promised I'd cut my husband's hair for him. Now where did I put my Flowbee?

webb said...

Don't have any experience with the pasta cooker, but who-in-their-right-mind would think that one even could cook pasta in a microwave? That said, the shape is great. I got the Rachel Ray pasta (real-use-it-on-the-stove)pot as a gift and it is truly wonderful. No more pasta clumping together, 'cause you don't have to bend or break it to get it into the pot. Expensive, but great!

Samantha Dugan said...

Well in your rush don't forget to put your shoes in your Shoes Under...fantastic name by the way, those marketing gurus are brilliant.

I think "right mind" and anyone that would buy that piece of crap kind of cancel each other out no?

Thomas said...


I've been boiling pasta in water for about thirty years--never once had a clump of pasta. It's in knowing how to do it, not in gadgets that "help."


Before I threw the microwave out I did manage to cook a spoon in it--by mistake. I thought the kitchen had exploded.

Incidentally, the picture of that pasta thing makes it look like a table-top toilet.

vickibarkley said...

I don't even understand the need for a rice cooker. A stove and pots will pretty much do it for me.
But I love Benito's story about bravely trying to use the thing!

Samantha Dugan said...

It does and seeing as one piece of shit deserves another....

I just saw that it comes with a cookbook! I wonder if they have a tasty recipe for roasted beets or...oh what about hash browns?!

Benito said...

The really great thing about the Pasta Express: you have to heat up boiling water in a pot that's nice and stable, and then pour it into a flimsy tall and narrow tube that really wants to fall over. More importantly, the water starts cooling down immediately, so what you're really doing is just soaking pasta in warm water for a while. If it ever gets soft enough to eat, it's just going to be cold.

During the whole painful and messy process, you're wondering why you didn't just dump the pasta in the pot of water you had to heat up on the stove.

AZ said...

Nice y'all!
But I think you'll agree after watching this, microwaves are for cooking eggs...Eggcellent! ...duh..!