So tomorrow afternoon I get to be, “The Show” again, can I tell you how much I don’t love being the show…standing there, everyone looking at me, being extra perky, (helps to picture a scrunched nose and furrowed brow here) not sure you know this about me yet but, I don’t do perky really well. Really bugs me when people insist that you be all bubbly, “Smile this is a party” (Um really not, I happen to be at work) just bugs the crap outta me. I’m not a grinner; I don’t stand around with a vapid, insincere smile plastered on my mug, just not who I am. Hell it bugs me when I go into a store and someone that doesn’t know or give a shit about me shouts an uber bubbly, “HI!” at me with a fake ass grin, makes me trust them less from the get. Sure I will have my core customer base there and I love them, they make me feel more at ease, well that and they love watching me squirm to keep my overactive trap shut when I get asked certain questions. Having them there, well that will help but still here I am already dreading….
So tomorrow it’s our, (drum roll) 1st ever, 3rd Rose Fest….kinda makes yer brain stop doesn’t it?! We have been doing an annual Rose Fest for like 11 years, (we were way ahead of the curve when it came to Rose) and I think it was last year…maybe the year before when we added a 2nd Rose Fest to the tasting schedule. We just have so many that we cannot feature them all in one tasting, plus it gives those that were otherwise occupied an opportunity to partake in the Festivities. The 2nd event ended up being just as popular and now…well now there are three. We serve lamb, roasted veggies, aioli the whole shebang, it really is a fun event and is typically one of our best attended, not to mention…we sell shitloads of wine, so what’s not to like? I mean aside from the Gawd awful stank that radiates of all those garlic goo eaters…atrocious, and get like 80 of them in our small tasting room…all cramped and sweaty, wretched. The stank I can fight through, the thing that gets my crunders in a bunch….the questions.
This is so going to make me look like one of those douchebag wine people but damn…if you are going to be so tightassed about Rose, well maybe a little douchebaggery is in order. So here are the questions that inspire the “Your pissing me off” Sam face.
Are These Sweet?
Now I understand this one at the very beginning but after I give my, “No these are all dry Roses” talk while pouring the first wine and you keep asking….at every wine, “is this sweet?” by wine 7 I will be having fantasies about punching you in the face.
Do We Have To Go In Order?
Nope don’t have to, but it’s like my job and stuff to pick the lineup, but I’m sure you have a better idea about the order by looking at the labels…have at it.
What’s This Made From?
This one kills me, does it matter? Just because you have had Grenache or Syrah before I assure you, it’s not going to tell you a thing about this Rose. Best part….the ones that ask almost never listen. I confess this to you my five readers, last time this one lady had been asking the cepage on every wine, she would ask…nod blankly and move on, I knew she had no idea or really didn’t care what I was saying so I um….tested her, “This one is 60% Grenache, 60% Syrah, 5% Merlot, (she perked up at Merlot..but still vacuous at best) and 5% indigenous varietals”….nod, smile and move on. True Story.
It’s Rose folks and take it from someone that has had to write up 25 French Roses in one sitting…they are different, sometimes subtly, sometimes massively but knowing what’s in it, well that aint gonna help you figure it out. More importantly…doesn’t matter, it’s freaking Rose just suck it up, enjoy the season. These are not wines to marinate in, they are fun…refreshing and spunky, love them for that.
Not that many so it’s a really, wide valley of land mines, pretty easy to dodge those 3 bullets no? Come, (Cuzz I’m sure the people that do the aforementioned things are reading my every word) enjoy, squish around in the garlic goo, stab at the roasted potatoes, drink Rose…just don’t piss me off okay?
Sam,
ReplyDeleteYou will this one:
Toward the end of my small winery's life, I had reached a kind of breaking point with the public, although one of my strengths (thanks to growing up on the streets of Brooklyn) is to insult people with a smile and a tone that makes them smile, too.
Anyway, my strength had weakened considerably after a day of dealing with crowds and dumb questions, when at the end of the day a woman who held a jar of my Chardonnay jelly in her hand asked me, "what do you make this jelly from?"
My answer: "Piss."
At that point, my wife came over and said to me, "Go home. I'll clean up the mess you just left."
Thomas.
ReplyDeleteYup...love it. Sometimes you just gotta do it right?
Thanks for the story, made me grin.
I hope it's a fantastic day and nobody pisses you off. The idea to have a 3rd Rose tasting is a testament to its popularity--it's popularity because of you and how darn good they taste.
ReplyDeleteAmy
My Gorgeous Samantha,
ReplyDeleteI would always tell people the wine was made from the Rose grape. It's kind of like the White Zinfandel grape only it has less sugar. After all, wine education is what tastings are all about.
Contrary to the lovely Amy, I hope a whole bunch of folks piss you off. I love you when you're all angry and steamy, all flushed and fierce, your eyes fiery, your neck red, revved up and mouthy--you're hot when you're like that. Maybe they're pissing you off on purpose!
I adore you so much!
Your HoseMaster
Amy,
ReplyDeleteYou will be greatly missed but I will see you tonight! Cannot take the credit for the Rose, that was Randy's movement and he is the Rose King...just proud to be part of it.
Oh and did you just say "darn"? WTF?!
Ron,
Not sure I could pull of the Rose grape one but I will think of that all day and smile and evil, "Ron gets me" smile. I know you like it when I get all feisty...but this is just my bark, you should see the bite. (wink)
Great posting Sam!*
ReplyDeleteYears ago I helped out at a small winery that made some terrific, bone dry rose wines. Especially good was the Petite Sirah Rose, but the fellow also made Cabernet Rose and Grignolino Rose...
I brought some sample bottles to a snooty San Francisco wine shop and the buyer haughtily announced (looking down his pointy snout at me) "We don't sell Rose wine in this store."
Meanwhile, stacked behind him were 5 cases of a wine called Tache Nature, a pink-colored press wine from the fledgling Domaine Chandon winery...
SO...As the brilliant Wine Writer, Bill Shakespeare wrote: "A Rose by any other name..."
*Just did that to piss off Ron Hosebag
Sam,
ReplyDeleteI'll admit, I'm guilty of "asking about the grapes", but I'd only do it in a smaller lineup where the pourer has a better chance of knowing about the individual wines. And if allowed to touch the bottles, I'll check the label before asking.
I'll do it for two reasons: 1) I'm passionate about rosés, and 2) you never know when it might be some rare beast like Cannonau rosato.
But if I make it out to The Wine Country, I promise to behave. :)
Cheers,
Benito
Gerald,
ReplyDeleteThanks for liking my post, so nice to hear, (wink)! There are still people like that wine shop guy that look down their nose at Rose....screw em' more for you and I!
Benito,
Now see with you it would be different, (chicks always say that) because you would be listening and you would be asking for a purpose, as you stated. I'm talking ablout the one's that have no intention on remembering, those guys piss me off...just take your pour and move on, don't feel like you need to chat on my behalf.
So turns out, the only people that asked today...my blog readers. Always breakin my bawls those cats!
Samantha,
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog for a long time now and I want you to know how much I enjoy it!
At least once in the past you mentioned that you aren't as comfortable as you'd like to be in regards to speaking in public. Have you considered joining Toastmasters? It's a club that can help you overcome your fear of public speaking. If you're interested, check out http://www.toastmasters.org/ and you can learn all about it and find a club near you.
You might enjoy it.
Dan
Dan,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for reading and posting. I have thought about Toastmasters but alas I am not much of a joiner...but thanks for thinking of me!