Wednesday, February 17, 2016
After 6 weeks of broken legged house arrest, the ankle bracelet has been removed. My beginning of the year crust has been cracked and all the while I sat dormant, still, not washed enough, bored, lonely and feeling both physical and emotional strain and pain, I kept thinking, "I want my normal life back" but now, with this, still stiff but promised flexibility and mobility I feel something else entirely.....I want more than a normal life, I am gnawing for an exceptional one. Dammit.
Lie on the grass and let the little flicks of windblown hair land upon my forehead like tiny kisses
Spend more time pressed against bare skin
Drink at least one bottle of grower Champagne a week. For $35-$50, what we might spend on a lazy ass stop in for dinner at like Chili's or something, I can instead feel the bead of brilliance and let the power of Billiot, Suenen, Vesselle, Saves, Agrapart or Gaucher stain me so deeply that I shan't ever get clean
Master the art of frying artichokes
Find myself sloshing about in the pool, on a Tuesday at like 9:30 PM
Never sit upon that section of the couch that was my prison for a month again
Forgive myself a little for my fatness and go clothes shopping a little more often
Buy more big white t-shirts, cut to collars off of them and wear them around the house with a pair of ripped up and faded jeans. A look that drives my husband wild and the fact that that is even possible after almost 22 years is something that ought to be pet and paid attention to
Give up one of my trash television shows
Eat with my fingers and lick myself clean
Find a new writer to fall deeply in lust with, and devour their every word
Spend even more time in my kitchen
Make myself understand Bordeaux
Find a signature necklace, a fearless one and own it
Make someones life just a tiny bit better, even if it is only for a few minutes *
Chip off another layer and expose my inner sponge....soak more in so when I'm squeezed I ooze experience, humanness, passion, bright colors and the aroma of curiosity
Use more anchovies
Write like no one is reading.....
Be here, once a week at the very least whether I have anything profound to say or not....just be here, talking, find and feel my voice come pulsing through me again....it's beyond want, I need it
Little more healing to do and then starts the beginning of my first, well I guess it is technically the second if you count the breaking of my right leg, big adventure of 2016. I will be soaking in Paris, Beaune, Lyon, Normandy, Jura, Nuits-Saint-Georges and Reims. From virtually no travel last year, (in part a contribution to my lack of luster) to a full immersion in the crave inducing, beloved France. Cannot believe it....and cannot wait.
Thanks so much for your patience and I cannot wait to see both of you here more often.
* I nearly cried when I was able to really wash my hair, face, neck, breasts and thighs after several days not being able to due to my cast and getting the non-accessible bathroom and shower just a little more accessible. Feeling the warm water running from my oil soaked scalp, over my face and down my back....the smell of soap as I lathered and scrubbed, the silky caress of wet hair floating across my shoulders as I washed the conditioner out. In those few minutes I was able to wash away hours of disgust and misery, just feeling and getting clean. I began thinking about all the people on the streets, especially women, that have no access to a regular bathroom let alone a regular shower, broke my heart...made me want to help just a little if I can. So I've asked all my friends and family, especially those with heavy travel schedules, to gobble up all the extra soaps and shampoos from their hotel stays, maybe ask for a couple extra if they can, and send them to me. I'm willing to pay shipping and for any/all packing material, but I want to make little wash sacks for the homeless women of Long Beach. Just bags or old purses with travel sized toothbrushes, toothpaste, soaps, shampoo, sanitary products and wet wipes. Just something they can have to wash their yuck away....if even for a moment. Anyone interested in sending me soaps and such, please feel free to contact me here or at The Wine Country https://thewinecountry.com/