Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Now I....






"Lay thee down to rest"

Said that 2 years ago today....

Gave up one partner and companion for the love and happiness of another

Turns out I ended up falling even more in love with being strong enough to end a relationship full of desire but also full of sickness, decay and panic inducing dependency. I got out.

I've looked back but for the most part, this second chance, this freedom, this breath of absolute fresh air, keeps me on the right track and the missing part, that ache and longing.....not loud enough to compete with the ringing in my ears of joy, and pride. I did it.

Two years
Wow....not sure I thought it possible but
Here I am, thinking about boarding a plane tomorrow without having to consider packing cigarettes, how many I'm going to be able to cram in my face before the flight, the torturous 6 hours until I can bust through the sliding doors and fill my lungs with a love that was quite literally trying to kill me. Feels pretty fucking awesome I have to say....

  

18 comments:

Sara Louise said...

Now that's something to celebrate! CONGRATULATIONS! xo

Marcia Macomber said...

You rock, girl! Congrats on your 2 year anniversary. May you have many, many, many more!

Samantha Dugan said...

Thanks ladies!

webb said...

Hard to imagine it's been two years. So proud of you! A terrible demon to kick and you did it.

Susan English said...

Congratulations! I'm getting closer.....

Samantha Dugan said...

webb,
So nice to see your, well your name! Thanks for the support....one of the hardest things I've done but man, does it ever feel wicked cool to be done with that.

Susan,
Closer is good if that is what you want. Just know that I am here and in your court should you take that leap and need me.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,
It was one of the happiest days of my life when you decided to finally quit smoking for good. For me, I don't offer my congratulations, I offer my deepest thanks.

I love you. No one you love should smoke. Smolder, maybe, but not smoke.

I love you!

Romes said...

So proud of you Sam....

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron Love,
I could never pull off anything that sounds as sexy as smolder, must be why I smoked. I love you too.

Jess,
Oh don't be proud, just be in my camp!

Tom Johnson said...

You didn't think you'd make it, for a while there. You're stronger than you think. The big question becomes: what do you apply that strength to now?

Thomas said...

Two years! Doesn't seem like that at all, maybe not to you...

Smoke, smolder, bullshit: I like the way you simmer.

Samantha Dugan said...

Thomas My Sweetheart,
Well I am currently simmering away in Midtown Manhattan, eating slices, drinking cocktails, people watching and thinking of you. What a fantastic place this city is...and of course I couldn't get in a cab here and not think if you!

Thomas said...

Too bad I'm not still driving a taxi, well, not really too bad, but I would have taken the day off and driven you to all my haunts--the ones that remain, anyway.

Don't forget pizza at Lombardi's.

October and May are the best months to visit NYC. Wish I were there...

If you get a chance, go to Vinus and Marc, a bar (with oysters) on Second Avenue. Ask for Frank and tell him I sent you. He's my ex-wine retail partner. I'm sure he'd love to meet you.

ADoC said...

Hope you're enjoying NYC! Love it there. Congrats on two years out... proud of you!

ADoC said...

Hope you're enjoying NYC! Love it there. Congrats on two years out... proud of you!

Samantha Dugan said...

Mr. Johnson,
I was sure at times that I was not going to make it. Seriously brutal habit to break. I'm so glad I just quit cold turkey, I could just see myself living off the "juice" from the gums or what have you. Ugh! As for where to put my strength now, well weight loss should be the easiest answer but I have yet another addiction that it seems I will have to face and let go of first. After that the excess poundage that quitting helped me pack on!

ADoC,
How you been lovely lady? So far I am loving this place too. Only here for a couple days but I knew the second I got out of the taxi in front of my hotel, heard the honking, smelled the intoxicating aroma of exhaust, hot dogs and meat being cooked on a griddle...I knew I was going to have to arrange to come back. Glorious.

Thomas,
The weather has been gorgeous. Tonight they are talking high 40s which for this SoCal girl sounds brutal but today it was clear, the sun hanging full in the sky kept me warm enough as we walked and rode one of those open topped city tour busses. I too wish you were here and I will see bout making it to Venus and Marc. Top on my list for tomorrow, Sherry-Lehmann, can't freaking wait.

Thomas said...

Go to Astor Liquors. It's more your style.

Valerie said...

Two years! That's fabulous! Congratulations & worthy of celebrating, for sure!