You ever feel yourself on the cusp of “Oh what the hell”? Feel your feet hovering…calves shaking as you try and restrain yourself right before plunging your bare skin into that cool pool of wicked, silky, slippery, staining, enveloping…fantastically fulfilling indulgence? Your head trying to remind you why you shouldn’t, the rest of you not giving a shit and aching to get lost in tastes, touches, tongues, texture, aromas….anything but control? Allowing yourself to give, bend, surrender to a spoonful, a forkful, a glassful, fingers full of something that our self imposed….society imposed structure and boundaries keep us from slithering around in whenever we wish? The way you feel alive each second of your life but a little more so, the heart pumping, the blood surging, the mouthwatering right before you melt and swim around in the,” yeah I’m going to pay for this” pond? Me too and you know what….I want more.
Maybe it comes from becoming a mother when everyone else was being wistful and rebellious. Maybe it stems from an inherent unwillingness to be told what to do, how to behave, how to dress, how much love and want is enough. As much as I try, (which aint all that much) I just find that restricting myself, not allowing myself those stolen moments….well not only is it frustrating I just don’t see what good it does. I’m never going to be the “most” or “best” at anything and the last fucking thing I want to do is wake up one day and realize that while I followed all the rules I’ve lived a life full of steady medium. Just not what drives me, moves me and inspires me. I need that twinge of, “no” I crave that tickle of, “You ought not” and while I am not reckless with the things that I adore and need in life…I get a very real thrill from living in, and reliving in those moments spent off the path of straight and narrow. Each one nibbling at the base of my neck, enticing me, seducing me and reminding me to live…really live in each and every second.
Live sweetly and respectfully
Indulge in lust and want
Feed my soul with love and family
Let the fringe take a bite out of me when the moment is right
Work hard
Play hard
Dream big
Love big
Go big….
Martini at 9:00 AM on a Sunday….Yes, more
Family dinner around the table…Yes, more
A late morning snuggle between the fan kissed sheets….Yes, more
Whispering “fuck” in an ear aching to hear me…Yes, more
Bottle of $60.00 Champagne on Thursday….Yes, more
Plate of grilled veggies for dinner….Yes, more
Pile of beef tartar to be scooped up with crispy French fries….more
Letting my love draw me home every night….more
Letting my want dig its fingers deep in my heart, spread it wide open and make room….Yes, more.
Balance. I often speak of balance and much like wine, life needs that little bit of acid, that spike of tannin to keep all the “fruit” in check. The fruits of our labor, the effort with which we care for ourselves, our family, our relationships…they need to be rewarded from time to time and I for one shan’t pass up that spoonful, glassful, and mouthful of reward. A scoop of raw meat on fries, whispers that brush my hair across my neck, an amazing bottle of wine….never for no reason, sometimes they are the only reason.
Feet hovering
Pool waiting
Stepping in…..
Posts
11 comments:
Kind of like sex in the morning.
Great post.
Sir Charles,
So you're saying you want more sex in the morning, or my post is like sex in the morning? Either way I'm flattered to hear it!I've missed you. xoxoxox
May i have more of both?
I want more.
webb,
Not sure I can help so much with that morning business, (but may I suggest...just take it baby) and if you would like more posts from me, well you flatter me and I'm getting to a point where that just might work! On a side note, please head over to the wine blog awards and vote for my beloved Ron Washam, The HoseMaster of Wine for everything he is nominated for....him winning might just put my faith back in wine blogging!
Charlie,
Well sir, you made me blush...
Love you mister.
We should all vote for The Hosemaster for everything because his competition is about as interesting as Wonder Bread.
But, Sam, if Ron wins, it will not validate blogging or the Pooddle awards. It will be the ultimate denial of their validity--and that is probably a good thing anyway.
Tom wark's column this morning that blogging is now part of winewriting is entirely correct.
What he forgets is that wine blogging has always been part of wine jounalism. The Poodles always were and always will be about self-congratulation. To have Ron beat out all those barking dogs will be the sweetest irony yet.
But, it will also say that we honor good writing--and that is not something that has been universally practice with the Wine Blogger Awards in the past.
Charlie,
Trust me, I've been telling everyone I know that reads Ron to go vote for him. I know many of them fear, or think he wouldn't want to win and after the years and pages after pages of grousing I can see why they think that but, he is a human with a big lovely heart, that works hard to make us laugh and any ounce of reward, (such as it is) he gets is very richly deserved. I am hoping against hope that he feels tremendous about all of this and however it turns out he will see what so many, you and I at the very top of that list, have been telling him for years, he is the very best there is...period.
I loathe the awards, the process and maybe I was brain washed into being against them but I just cannot be a part of a process that has, since its inception, favored the cheese dick beggers over true talent. The fact that Ron, STEVE!, Randall Grahm and Alfonso have been passed over in the Best Writing category time and time again just shows me how farcical the whole thing is. It has never been about talent which is why I feel like they don't deserve to have Ron....but as I said, if this in any way shows him how truly gifted, admired and loved he is, there is no way I can be anything but for it.
My Gorgeous Samantha,
It's lovely to have been nominated for so many Poodles. Most rewarding of all has been all the congratulatory personal emails I've received from friends, strangers, and fellow nominees. On their blogs they may make fun of my five nominations, join in the HoseMaster spirit, but, personally, I've been overwhelmed with kindness.
How many times have I told you that a comedy writer, almost by definition, is filled with self-loathing? I'm not good at accepting praise, and I'm uncomfortable in the spotlight. Thank God this is such a small and meaningless award--I can handle it. I don't care if I win, and don't care if I lose, I just want to have fun with it.
My winning wouldn't send any sort of message to anyone. I've spent a lot of time writing for my own enjoyment. But writing comedy isn't like writing poetry or a diary. It needs an audience. That I have one, one that includes you and Charlie and so many of the others here, is my reward. Not a Poodle. But rather than take it all seriously, have fun with it. I will.
Sorry to hijack your lovely blog piece, Sweet Love. I know I want always more of one thing--your giggle.
I love you!
Ron My Love,
Well I'm sure you're having fun, I'm sure all of you that want one of those and get a nomination to the finals are. I'm so happy that you are enjoying it Ron and all the letters are pleasing you and making you feel appreciated and delighted, albeit uncomfortable with the praise. I can almost feel your blogroll swelling! Have fun with it Love, you are a tremendously talented man and I've been your biggest supporter and fan since that "I'm Baaaccckkkk" post. My little table of one down here is watching you beam and for that, I am grateful.
Your home page should advise anyone taking nitrates, indeed any grown man with a pulse, to use your blog responsibly. the death toll is probably already higher than we think.
George,
So long as I'm killing 'em softly, and with a smile on their face....
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