Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Reset






Ever get in those ruts where it feels like you can’t do anything right? Like each day is a series of “This is why you suck” moments that kind of crack away at your frame and inspire little more than trips to the couch where you can settle into the familiarity of potatoness. Feels like I’ve been spinning around in the suckie tumbler a bunch lately, everything from failing to write a post about the worst kind of wine pandering by a wine director at a San Francisco wine bar…Easter candy and wine pairings? What an asshole….to trying to indulge in one of the most basic and raw of feel good moments, the ones you choose to endeavor when the house is empty and the laptop is whispering, “C’mon, no one will know”. Yeah, not sure about you all but getting seven minutes into one of those, um, films and then having it dawn on you, “Hey, that woman has a penis” sort of a fail of massive proportions. Who fails porn?! Yeah, this wine slinger that’s who. Whimper….




So I’ve been bumping along, fixing my fuck ups, trying to figure out how I could be so wrong about certain things, being an ear for others even though I feel as if I have no business giving advice, I mean aside from tranny porn, to anyone seeing as I haven’t felt like my shit has been in anyway together. I write long erotic posts for a blog no one gets, (or “has” might be truer) to read and find my thrills sitting across the tasting table at work where the flavors and textures feel like long soothing fingertip strokes. Trying real hard not to get sucked too far into the woe-is-me tunnel and desperately seeking anything that will make me feel good, if only for as long as they rest upon my tongue and splash along the slippery insides of my mouth. Got Spain in eight days, and wine is once again pulling me up by my collar, calling me, urging me, reminding me with that sexy growl, “Baby, you are so good at this”…fucking need that so bad right now. 




Friday night I hosted a sold out tasting of grower Champagnes, all comprised of mostly Pinot Noir, all luscious, sexy, powerful and rebellious, not easy to just close your eyes and suck back. These wines serious and requiring a bit more thought, not that spending time trying to figure them out is in any way a chore as these are wines that slither across the palate and spread themselves into your memory, hope that you admire and appreciate them but defy you to forget them…pretty fucking hot if you ask me. Hot and just what this seeking woman needed. It wasn’t one of those groaning nights of utter seduction, well not with all the wines and maybe my current cycle of, “Oh c’mon!” made me a little less open and more inquisitive, but it seemed as if the whole room was also into the chase, the wines running just far enough ahead that we all had to reach out a little further to wrestle them…sexy. Wasn’t sure how that kind of dance was going to go over with the group as a whole but the numbers at the end of the night, along with the holes in my Champagne racks, reminded me that sometimes easy isn’t always best. Sometimes it’s the things you have to work for that are the most fulfilling, rewarding, compelling…..thrilling. Remembering that has me opening up again, ready to board that plane to Spain and challenge myself a little more each day, urge and coax those around me and invested in me to do the same. 



Wines of the Night For Me:




N.V. S. Coquillette Grand Cru Les Cles Blanc de Noirs ($47.99) I found this delicate wine one of the most wine like of the evening. Sure there were bubbles there but the sumptuous red fruit, subtle spicing and bit of tension on the palate just spoke more of Pinot Noir than of bubbly wine…and that right there, that drives me wild. Tight and tucked in but with perfect pitch and balance. 






N.V. Gonet-Medeville 1er Cru Blanc de Noir ($47.99) I almost feel guilty buying and savoring these wines as I end up feeling like I’m getting away with something. Like the butcher has a crush on me and has slipped me an extra few slices of the good prosciutto for free. Aromatically the wines from Gonet-Medeville lean towards the geeky in that they do show some Sherried or slightly oxidized characteristics which actually end up coming off more nutty and toasty than like true Sherry. Match that with deep red fruit and browned butter and you have a glass of something that makes my legs tighten then go weak. Sexy stuff…




N.V. Godme Grand Cru Blanc de Noirs ($59.99) So you know that person you come in contact with that is that mesmeric combination of shy, strong, funny, goofy, scary and vulnerable? Yeah now imagine them darkly golden and sparkling naked in your glass and you’ve got what this Godme did to me. Without question the least forward wine of the night but there was something so intellectually challenging about this wine that I cannot stop thinking about….dreaming about it. Going to be losing its distribution here in our area so I am going to see if I can weasel another case….cannot bare to let it go without a couple more dances.

I loved the Camille Saves and H. Billiot wines as well but these were the wines made me think, made me try harder and even now, days later, I am still under their spell.     

Challenges
Failures
Fuck ups
Misunderstandings
Distrust…
They happen and can be profoundly hard to ignore but…



So can be
Passion
Seduction
Learning
Conquering
Succumbing
Touching
Being touched
Wanting…more
Gotta bank the roll of the dice, and my heart on the latter right? Might be that big dumb heart of mine but, well it keeps thumping away and so will I.

17 comments:

webb said...

It's that time of year when you need a little change ... a pick me up. You know. Something like a trip to sample wine. Don't worry about it. Take your trip. Drinks lots of wine and tellbus all about it and when you get back you will ahve a whole new outlook.

Have a great trip.

Samantha Dugan said...

Webb,
Well part of the purpose for the long trip, away from the bustle of the city, is to spend some time here. Go through old posts, try and reconnect with my voice and the parts of my heart that I need and want most. So a reset for sure but don't expect me to be gone from here for 2 1/2 weeks...in fact, I hope I am so inspired that I can't shut the fuck up!

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,
Think of tranny porn as being like one of your wine tastings--just when you least want or expect it, a dick shows up. Yeah, not so erotic...

Judging from this piece, your Voice hasn't left you at all. This is classic Samantha--full of passion and desire, and the ability to make the page drip with it. As well as the usual funny and wise insight into the human heart. You're a wonder.

By the way, Prosecco is perfect with Peeps. And I'm talking Easter candy, not trannies.

I love you! Have a wonderful time in Spain, Baby, bring me home some of that Gran Reserva Spanish Fly.

Rogue Wino said...

I had that exact feeling earlier this week, like everything I did or said was inane. Had to shut my mouth and get my confidence back- Which ended up just being that I needed to catch up on my sleep :P
Love the Gonet-Medeville, had their slightly less expensive one on my old list

Thomas said...

THUMP, THUmp, THump, Thump, thump, thu...

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
Think I would rather lick a tranny than drink Prosecco, or eat Peeps. Man, was that an all-time low, and the fact that it took so long for me to catch on as it were, well if that doesn't tell you what kind of mess I've been not sure what would. Sort of like when I storm off to bed all buzzy and pissed that whatever movie I'm watching doesn't make any sense only to wake the next morning, flip on the television and see that I was watching the Latin HBO channel. Sigh...

I shall have fun in Spain Love, I'll miss you terribly but keep that heart open for me, when it is I'm never that far away. I love you!

Rogue Wino,
Just saw on Ron's blog, new gig? Good news I hope! The regualr Gonet-Medeville is also a stunner, and as you pointed out, a little less expensive but that Blanc de Noir...serious, serious wine. Get you some.

Thomas,
Am I waiting for a BEEEeeeeeppppp?

ADoC said...

I've been sitting in that same spot for what, a fucking year, two now?

by the way, actually snorted gin out of my nose at the Latin HBO comment. So thank you for that!! I needed it (the laugh, not the burn.)

Adore you, wish I was at that pinot tasting. One of these days...

Samantha Dugan said...

AdoC,
I'd laugh too, I mean if it weren't me that is. Worst part, has happened more than once! Ugh. Seems like lots of us are slogging along right now so I feel you too girlie. One of these nights, some Cabernet Franc, Dave Matthews and a long, long chat.

Rogue Wino said...

Yes, a brand new place, I get to design a list from scratch! I even get to have a small selection of grower champagne on this go :) And frenchies in general. I love my italian wines like crazy, but it will be fun to taste through some new things

Samantha Dugan said...

Rogue Wino,
Well congratulations lady! That is fantastic and exciting news. Time to have some fun....keep me posted on what gets you all riled up. I mean, so long as it's not tranny porn...not that there is anything wrong with that.

Winey The Elder said...

Chic had a penis? Wow, I guess I was too busy drooling over her lamps. And if it's seven minutes in? Too late: I've already come and gone, before the boredom sets in. (insert the tune Ain't nothing like the real thing)

Blues ain't nothing but a good woman feeling bad (or bored).

The reset button will be pushed in T minus.....
Bon voyage most eloquent one.
WtE

Samantha Dugan said...

Winey,
That's too funny. Just had a conversation over the weekend about porn length and I was in the minority in that anything longer than 7 minutes was too much. If I'm there then I want in and out quickly, so no sound, (which might explain the lack of awareness with the penis lady) as the "plot" and bad acting can pretty much end the session due to laughter or eye rolling. I think the thing that dawned on me was my lack of focus, I know I must have been watching but then all of a sudden I'm like, "Um...wait, what just happened?". I suppose it could have just happened but I'm guessing there was more build up and I simply wasn't paying attention/into it. So yeah, reset is the best word for what I need....

I don't think I'm blue love, just need a little shaking up and airing out....think a country road in Spain ought to do don't you?

Winey The Elder said...

Country road, country air, a different country....that should do it!

(Didn't mean to imply that you were blue...apologies if it seemed like I hadn't read your previous "assumptions" post. Sometimes the words have a life of their own).
Bon viaje,
WtE

Samantha Dugan said...

Winey,
Great, now I am hearing John Denver, "Country road, take me home, to the place, I belong" going to be with me all day now. I didn't feel like you were making assumptions love, and who knows, maybe I am a little blue but I have this sinking suspicion that it is more of a deep down craving, one that is eating me from the inside out, to get out there and breathe in something beautiful, not to mention taking the time to appreciate it. Appreciation is a new addition to this trip as I was just awarded a big dose of happiness and second chances, going to hold on tight and let myself feel it all....hope you stay along for the ride.

gabriel jagle said...

Great post. It's been a tough week in the cellar, good to be reminded that sometimes things just aren't meant to be easy. Thanks Sam

Samantha Dugan said...

Gabe,
Thanks kid. I was thinking about this post the other day when someone said "Don't make a mistake with someone that makes you cry" and I couldn't help thinking, "Why would anyone make a mistake with someone that couldn't?".....worth working hard and fighting for, those are the things we ought to value...right?

gabriel jagle said...
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