Thursday, January 19, 2012

Once Is Never Enough



Do that to me one more time….

Been in the worst rut as of late. A rut in part because that’s just what happens when we get older; long work days, less stamina, less drive, a little less prickle at the nape of your spine to see what’s happening outside. In part as a recovery from the holiday season; the crazy hours, the anxiety, the stress, the running of numbers and receipts in your head and hoping against hope that the season will be all that you expected, planned for, needed. In part getting ready for my baby to be home; the planning visits, meals, gathering of stuff for him to take home with him. Customers, family, tastings, reps, shopping carts, razor cuts, sore back…the “oufff” as I landed on the couch at the end of each day….the, “Oh goddam it” upon waking at 4:00 AM in the same spot. 



Getting through. The season is all about just getting through, and while I have always been down with that, I also suffer this post season hangover. The pressing need of others no longer propping up my tired frame and I’m left feeling like a bag of skin, all the air let out. Jeremy’s leaving just one more whistling hole of absolute deflation. I find myself flipping through books, magazines, scanning blogs, websites and importer pamphlets seeking that spark, that little scrape of teeth that will make me dig my own into my bottom lip and seek more. My ache to rediscover the me that lives, slithers and thrives without my strings, direction, emotion, being pulled by the puppet like yanking of obligatory and maternal need. I find myself digging deep beneath the tattered and season ravaged uniforms, frayed jeans, sweat soaked bras, tears of goodbye stained pillows. I know there is a woman under all of that. A woman that has way more lusting, wonder, elation, gasping, groaning, learning, puddling and purring to do. 



Do that to me one more time…

Now



I’m done splashing around in those post crazy day gin and tonics. I’m done finding comfort and peace in their simplicity and not needing of my attention. Sure that relationship worked when I was merely seeking a way to quiet the hush and melt into my couch cushions but now, now that my wee brain is settled from the dizzying swirl of ribbons, tissue paper and UPS overnight rates, now I need more. Need to feel that nibble, wet mouth, garbled accent tiptoe up my neck and crash like waves across my shoulders….fingers scratch my scalp as you grab my head and demand that I notice…pay attention to You. 



Once is never enough…



Bottle after bottle, your footprint across my skin
My lips parted
Heart pounding
Eyes watching each achingly too slow pour
I can’t get enough
Stripping off last year
Layer by layer
I’m ready for you….

Now   

14 comments:

ADoC said...

Hmmm. Wonder if it get me more readers if I posted pics of my ... hair.

This makes me yearn for that chestnut liqueur. "Fuck-me sex" in a bottle, if I remember correctly. Can't say for certain though, been a while since I had either sex or that liqueur.

Btw- fabulous, erm, hair.

ADoC said...

Hope you find that thing that makes you 'rawr' soon...

Samantha Dugan said...

ADoC,
Oh come on now, you of all people should know me better than that. Plus, don't a bunch of your posts start off with you being naked? I think once past 20 the promise, or inference thereof...carries less weight or market value.

This was just one of those posts where I let my mind wander and I was somewhat intrigued by the fact that I have been here, very naked and intimate, truly exposed so many times....just had to wonder how people would react if I went with the most basic, (and less powerful actually....especially with me, who are we kidding?!) and primal form of uncomfortable exposure. Pretty telling honestly. The power of flesh while compelling really does make people itchy.

Oh and for the record, the only picture I found even remotely sexy WAS the one of my hair...

I'm getting the feeling that this post was the start of my finding my rawr.

ADoC said...

I call bullshit on the once past 20 bit. I don't think anyone under 30/40 understands the concept of sensuality vs. sexuality. The young'uns are totally lost on that one.

This bit nailed the sensuality thing...

I suspect no one's typed any comments because their hands are um, otherwise occupied. Kleenex will thank you for that boost in their January sales.

Eww, just eww.

ADoC said...

Not you, eww. The 'occupied hands' thing. Just for clarification, lol.

Samantha Dugan said...

Hahaha. I was talking implied naked, not sensuality because I'm with you girlie, those 20 somethings don't know shit about the latter...nor did I at that age. Have you watched a music video lately? Holy Jeebus, sexy has been reduced to being half naked and spreading your legs....fucking lazy and in my opinion, not sustainable!

Ewe on both by the way....

Samantha Dugan said...

On a side note. I just discovered that if you click one of those pictures it gets huge! Holy fuck, like I need bigger tits....maybe this was a bad idea.

Anonymous said...

Laughed out loud at the needing bigger boobs! Should we all be as lucky as you!

As far as bad idea? Well, if you leave this up the wine symposium guys are going to be focusing on this instead of the rest of you... the you that leaves us wanting more, not just wanting sex.

-ADoC. (Stupid phone)

Samantha Dugan said...

Aint yanking it and if those fancy pants writers let themselves be blinded by boobage and hair being bounced around, well they deserve to be blindsided by my bite...

Winey the Elder said...

A thousand and one aborted fits and starts... to match your vigor...your vulnerability...and not seem...what... impertinent?

Words won't do it, samsansdos. Words won't do it.

Breathlessly,
Winey

ADoC said...

There's the rawr coming back! Go get 'em.

Samantha Dugan said...

Winey the Elder,
Um, you did just fine. All puddled and blushing here now. The other thing that makes this post difficult, (aside from having to see me I mean) is there isn't much for anyone to comment on, so I give you and ADoC tremendous credit for finding a way in. It's funny, I set out to kind of challenge my readers with this one, test how comfortable they are with me but...well until ADoC posted last night, I felt twice as naked for some reason. So thank you both for covering me up a little.

Ron Washam, HMW said...

My Gorgeous Samantha,

Sure, steal my old blog idea of sexy photos. And don't give me credit.

I'd have written sooner but I just finished Q-Tipping my junk out of my keyboard. I think the "P" is going to stick forever...

Let me know when you get that "rawr" back, Baby! You can use me for a clawing post.

I love you!

Samantha Dugan said...

Ron My Love,
You really know how to flatter a lady. I mean, sticking your "P" for me? Well aren't you just the sweetest thing? I love you too, sick-o.