Trust is earned
And can quickly be destroyed.
“But, but he promised” Jeremy when he was about
eight years old, in tears and completely heartbroken. A close friend of his had
promised him something or other and reneged or backed out leaving my sweet son
in utter disbelief and dismay. I remember scooping him up on my lap, resting
his head upon my chest so he could feel as well as hear the words that I knew I
needed to share with him, “Trust and promises, they don’t mean as much to some
people as they do to you and I baby” a life lesson I knew he would someday
discover but had hoped would be further out and maybe just a little less
crushing. I had no idea what I was doing when I was raising my son in the
beginning, but there were a couple of things I wanted to instill very early on,
trust and knowing that if I promised him something he could have complete faith
that it was true, that was on the very top of my list. And so it went for us,
his fears soothed at times when I could promise him that everything was going
to be okay, and as he grew older him returning that trust by being honest with
me about what he was up to….with a few teenage hiccups of course but all in
all, we’ve earned each other’s trust and protected that fiercely, even when, at
times, those truths were hard to hear. On that foundation we’ve built the
strongest love I’ve ever known. My heart is forever his and suspect his is
mine as well. An extremely powerful thing that trust....and something of an intoxicating and haunting elixir. One I believe in so much that it is at the core of who I am, as a woman, a mother, a person, a lover, a partner and a retailer.
Never given it freely myself that trust thing, been on the
other side of true evil one too many times for me to just give that up right
away. I protect myself, my sanity and heart, maybe too much at times, but I
just can’t hand my trust over to anyone with a sweet smile, charm or slick
tongue. I’ve got a big dumb heart and it is yours once earned but fuck me over,
lie to me and make me feel foolish for believing in you, well that dumb heart
will brokenly wise up, sometimes quickly and at others so painfully slow that there could never be a full recovery. I can suffer fools, clowns, moody and emotional
people, have loved many of all of those in fact but I will not suffer people
that lie or don’t trust me enough with the truth. Just can’t do it. Life is way
too short to spend it trying to sift through half-truths, flat out bullshit and
that double-speak that tries to spin things and make you feel like the asshole
for questioning. If I love and trust you, give me everything, even the things
you fear I won’t like, chances are, if I do really care for you, that I’m going
to be on your side. Will feel safe enough with you to know that there was a
reason or story behind, whatever, and accept and love you anyway. Doesn’t seem
that hard to me, in fact it seems way, way the fuck easier than all that other
nonsense, double-speak, covering of half truths and flat-out bullshit. So it turns out, this staunch belief in just being honest, works out
really well in my chosen profession.
“You’ve never steered me wrong” I am lucky enough to
hear that at least once a week, most weeks more than that and there is
something so powerful and affirming about that. Just as there was when a very regular
and loyal customer let me know that something I sold her was not at all to her
liking, “I hated that” she told me and I nearly hugged her for it. Sure we all
love the accolades but the, “Yuck that was awful” is just as important to hear.
For a wine merchant to properly pick out wines for you, for you and your
palate, we need to hear the truth and the whole truth. If we whiff on a recommendation,
let us know, we won’t get our feelings hurt or think you’re wrong, how can you
be wrong about your own palate?! We need to know in fact, to ensure that we don’t
make those mistakes when picking wines for you again. A good wine shop has only
your interest at heart, we have to otherwise why would you come back?! This is
always on my mind when tasting wines and dealing with suppliers as well….
“Oh come on, it’s not that bad and most people won’t
even know. Look, you can make some quick money and once it’s gone it’s gone” a
supplier in my ear trying to talk me into bringing in a wine that was
butt-suckingly dreadful but on deal and super cheap. Look, we are all looking
for ways to bring in a blast of quick cash, especially right now but for me, can’t
taste a wine like that, even knowing that I can sell it for fifteen dollars and
double my money, without asking myself, “At what expense?” Sure I could buy
this well-known wine that’s being sold at a quarter of its regular price,
because it is tasting tired, stack it and make a pile of quick cash….but what
happens when someone asks me about it? I’m going to tell them that it tastes
like ass and they shouldn’t buy it, which in turn will have that customer
asking themselves why it’s there in the first place, thus beginning the dissolution but, well I have to be honest if I want to have my
customers trust me right?
That pile of untouched “Money making” wine would
still be there, dusty and getting more tired by the week, by the month, because I simply
cannot fuck with the trust our customers have bestowed upon us…..I’ll leave that
to Total Wine and their direct import, private label plonk and BevMo's Whatever No Cents Sale. Unlike those mega corporations
we don’t have buckets of cash to lose building our business. We only have
word of mouth and our reputation….not about to screw with that for a few bucks.
Not ever.
