Having To Let Go

I've been thinking of you all day, thinking about the fact that this is the last night I will have to see you, touch you, smell you….it has been a long day but I hated to watch the sky turn that cold shade of blue that let me know that the day was almost over and night was coming, our last night was coming. While I knew this day would have to come I had been pushing the thought out of my mind, sailing through my days with blinders on but always with a tick-tock buried deep in the back of my cluttered head, flinching the once or twice I even let myself drift to the thought of being without you….

 


My drive home was a schizophrenic, I let myself remember you, think of how I longed for you, the way you touched my lips in just a way that would make me suck the air deep into my chest…not wanting to exhale, not wanting that one second of sheer pleasure escape my body. As if holding you there would make the moment last forever, or as long as I could have it. The way my fingers would run along the length of your frame and I remember, even now how even though you made me feel warm there was coolness to you, like even my fingers knew that you would not, could not be mine for long.

My mind then shifted to the many times that even though I loved you, I would let my desire wander, look to others to please me and how each time we were reunited you reminded me that although others may be “fun” there was something serious happening here…. We were never perfect together but somehow it just fit, I understood your steely nature and you filled my heart with comfort and my body with delectation. 

 


But tonight we must say goodbye, let it all become a memory, a memory that makes me smile, ache and wish that I could see you one last time…..knowing it will never be will only remind me of how special you were, worth remembering worth longing for, worth missing…..I see myself years from now rubbing my fingers across my lips, picturing you, remembering the way that you move and wishing I could taste you one last time. I will miss you more than you know.





Tonight I drank the last bottle of 2009 Henry Pelle Menetou-Salon, I said my farewells to a great love in my life and while I will remember it fondly the 2010 vintage arrived today, ($17.99) in a flashy new modern package, fuller, brighter style but full of deliciousness that I plan to explore as long as I can. 

Wine not unlike people has personality, each vintage a little different…not better or worse, just different and the more we drink them the more you can decipher the subtle touch that each vintage lends to what is in the glass. Love each vintage for what it is and look forward to the next like you would a first kiss from a new love.