“I’m not a wine connoisseur” (Always said with an exaggerated emphasis on the word connoisseur) ~ I think it is that exaggerated, mock snobby tone with which this often delivered that bothers me the most. As if being into wine makes you a snob, do car collectors, stamp collectors or art collectors have to deal with that? I think getting rid of the word connoisseur might help. I think wine lovers are some of the most generous and least snobby I know, they share their wine and knowledge freely and want to teach others about this thing they love. There are those “wine snobs” and those are the people that think Sliver Oak is the only wine worth drinking….they are not wine connoisseurs either!
“All real wine is red” ~ Tell that to a bottle of Montrachet my friend. This type of dismissal of all things white is not only ignorant but tells me that the one that utters such a comment doesn’t drink as much or as richly as the rest of us. Saying you don’t care for white wine bothers me less, that is a preference, (and I will be asking which white wines you have tried..they don’t all taste alike….if they do to you, your palate might be a bit….damaged) and doesn’t belittle or make white wine seem lesser than, cuzz it aint!
“It’s for a woman so probably something sweet” ~ Again, it might be the tone with which this delivered, that little pang of condescension. First of all some of the greatest wines in the world, the most expensive and sought after are in fact sweet, so if the “little lady” is into that, her palate may be better than yours, so watch the tone there tough guy. Secondly as a woman that drinks dry, crisp, “sour” wines I have to say….don’t make assumptions based on gender, you could very well be wrong and it makes you look like an unenlightened tool.
“It tastes Burgundian” ~ No it doesn’t.
“Price doesn’t really matter does it? That is all just hype right?” ~ This is a tough one because there are wines out there that are sporting super inflated price tags, but when someone asks me to find them a wine that tastes like Meursault for $10…can’t be done. In some cases you do get what you pay for, sorry but it’s true. Dropping fruit, (low yields for you connoisseurs) so the vines don’t over produce, (intensifying the remaining grapes) time in barrel, these things all cost money, so that cost is passed on to the consumer. I can find you a tasty wine for $10 but it won’t taste like Meursault.
“I don’t drink anything rated less than 90 points” ~ Party on (insert snobby sounding voice here) connoisseur. But you might want to pull your head out of your…errr..magazine long enough to taste something and evaluate it yourself. If I tell you that I gave a little Quincy, (region in the Loire that has some fantastic Sauvignon Blanc that almost NEVER gets rated) my personal 96 points, (I never use points but for this argument I might) would you drink/try it? Whose 90 points are you drinking….does it matter or is it just the number? Just wonderin’.
“The bubbles in Champagne give me a headache” ~ Do you get a headache from the bubbles in your soda? No? Well, then it is probably not the bubbles that are giving you a headache, the cheap stuff can give you a headache. It is poorly made, from crap quality grapes and usually has a butt load of sugar, that could contribute to the, “After free “Champagne” brunch” headache. If you are dinking the real deal followed by two bottles of Paso Zinfandel….well, that too could give you a headache my friend, don’t go blaming the bubbles!
“Friends don’t let friends drink White Zinfandel” ~ Friends don’t judge, let them drink what they want dammit!
“Red Burgundy is thin” ~ Argh!! Just typing that one out pisses me off! They are NOT thin, they are as they should be, light, elegant and loaded with tremendous flavor. If you have made up your mind about the amount of flavor by looking at the color then you will never get it, which is fine but don’t go throwing derogatory words, like thin around. Those wines are not opaque, or richly extracted and that is not a flaw, they don’t go around saying things like, “It’s very Oregon in style” right? There is something to those wines, if you don’t dig it, right on more for us but stop trying to compare New World Pinot Noir, (which can sometimes look like Syrah) to Burgundy….it’s apples and Oreos.
“I need a recommendation, where are the wine guys?” ~ My favorite response to this one is, “Being their boss, I gave them the day off”. I have to say in the last 5 years or so this has happened less and less but it still happens. Having breasts does not affect one’s sense of smell or taste, in fact there are some people that believe that women have a more sensitive sense of smell. I’m not sure about that but I do know that there are lots of women in the wine business now and they have laser sharp palates. I cannot tell you how many times I have been helping a male customer and someone will come up, interrupt us and begin asking him questions. The worst offenders…and I hate to admit this, older women! Come on ladies, where’s the solidarity? People that shop at The Wine Country on a regular basis are used to “wine girls” at one time we had 7 females and only 3 males, a fact that prompted the worst customer exchange I have ever encountered.
An older guy, maybe 60 or so, shirt buttoned down to just above his navel, baked on tan, rope chain dangling in his heavily perfumed chest hairs, (ewe) refused any help and actually said to me, “Hey, looks like you could use a few more swinging cocks in this hen house”…..awesome.
I’m sure I can come up with others but these are my personal, “favorites”. I love retail, we get to hear it all!